i love you

2006-09-10T04:14:00.000-07:00

i have been on hiatus for the longest time ever. and i'm still going to continue this hiatus. till after prelims, maybe.

but anyway, after prelims.. new layout, new url, NEW BLOG! hoho.

exams, exams and more exams.

ah fuck. i lost my social life.

2006-08-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

i didn't know grocery shopping was so therapeutic until yesterday.

go try it one day. you'll love it!

i saw my filled cupboard and felt so secure. i'll never go hungry again. or at least till next month. :D

2006-08-13T02:48:00.000-07:00

i'm so angry that i can even disfigure someone now. so fuck off.

2006-08-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

Ladder 49 is heart-wrenching. (i've already watched 5 times.)

we always take our security for granted because the country that we're living in now has trained soldiers and needless to say, sophisticated weapons. within the country, we have the fireman, police and civil defence. as peaceful as Singapore may be, these people still put their lives on the line to rescue others in other parts of the world. their sacrifices are worth honouring. the dangers that they go through puts their families on the edge of the seat because of the fear of receiving news about the deaths of their loved one due to accidents, mishaps or even sacrificial reasons. all these families are constantly in dilemma but can't do anything about it except to pray for the best. ( i think their prayers can hit guiness world records. )

i guess i'll be in these families' shoes soon.

i'm proud of you baby.

2006-08-11T10:06:00.000-07:00

had the long awaited birthday dinner with Miss Teo and Charm! haha. reached Westin and was lost trying to find the damned restaurant. kns. walked here and there then realised that it was actually in front of us. -.- so anyway, the buffet was a spread! from japanese to peranakan to chinese to malay.. alot of food la. eat until siao. and i must say that the DESSERT was heaven. chocolate fondue, cakes, puddings etc. we rushed to fill our bowl with the heaven-sent chocolate when people were nicely watching the fireworks display from the restaurant windows. hahaha. and of course, when you put two cam-whores together, all you get are pictures of the cam-whores. we took 86 freaking photos together and needless to say, we deleted quite alot too. so.. wells. epitome of cam-whores.

pictures!

the place where we felt we were tourists for that bloody 10 mins.

while waiting for our dear tuition teacher to come, we cam-whored. wad's new. -yawns

me!

heaven-sent.

don't talk to me about losing weight. shuddup. i'm feeling guilty already. knn.

after the buffet, she's still hungry. -sighs-

the sadness when we realised we just put on 10kg. -WAILS!

but.. aiya. who cares la. fat then fat lor. (ok. no i did not say that.)

uhm..

CENSORED!

i don't know what the hell is wrong with her. for a moment, she thought that was xinglong. tsk.

it's tempting. but i'm too short despite my heels. -.-

i told you we are cam-whores!

alright. this is the last picture! i swear!

ok. really. this is the last one. serious.

ok la ok la. this IS the last one la. idiots.

school on monday. can't wait for As to end. totally can't wait.

till then. nights world!

2006-08-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

i hate it when exams are approaching. honestly, i love studying but when it comes to studying for exams, i hate it. the pressure arising not only from within but also from around you is so stifling that you wanna break free by rebelling. so many a times where i hear teachers explaning why there is a need for exams," exams are a test on your understanding.. bla bla bla" BULLSHIT. there are so many other thousand ways to test your understanding but why must it be through papers? at the end of the day, as a reward for your crazy studying, you get a bloody piece of paper that apparently seems so important in this society of ours.

who the shinnanigans know what they're studying? looking back, i don't even know what shit i studied in secondary school. all i remembered clearly was how frenzied i was before the O levels, studying and panicking and trying to squeeze whatever info into my mind hoping that i can pass it. now i'm doing the same for A levels. studying for EXAMS. seeing students breaking down just before exams are a common sight and it's not because they think they're dumb but it's because they're afraid to fail. WHAT THE HELL IS THE EDUCATION SYSTEM ALL ABOUT? if it is all about just passing or aceing the exams then fine, the aim has been achieved. very successfully, mind you. but if it is in hope that students will be smarter, then hoho, the plan failed MISERABLY.

i dare say that i can remember the things taught in my nursery but not the things taught in my secondary school. don't tell me because it's the basic things like alphabets and numbers. when you were 4 years old, you know what the shinnanigans algebra is meh? obviously they have to start from scratch wad. the reason why i can remember them so well is because there was this OBVIOUS absence of pressure but when i reached the secondary institution, the pressure of exams is present and thus, i study for exams and not for my own knowledge.

i'm a victim too.

ke.
na.
sai. -.-
_______________________________________

the world is filled with facades. needless to say, we are all walking facades. at different times and to different people, we put on different masks. we have so many masks in hand that sometimes you don't even know which mask to put on to a certain someone. these masks come in handy when you're afraid to show who you are or when you just want to be in your world. yet again, it's tiring when you have to choose which masks to put on. you just wish to reveal who you really are but you can't because you don't even know who you really are and also you fear how people would judge your true self. such deceptions are common in the real world, be it in the academic world or working world. the way you portray yourself is through the experiences you learnt over the years. so is that your true self? what exactly is the meaning of true self? everyone change through bad mistakes and experiences. by doing so, aren't you showing a fake side of you?

the scary thing is, you don't even know who you really are. each and everyone of us are pretentious. afterall, that is the key to survival.

the facades. the pretense. the shadows. the masks.

Welcome to the masquerade party that lasts you your entire lifetime.

"whited sepulchre with all the evils of humanity, masquerading in their individual facades" -gabriel.

2006-08-09T21:28:00.000-07:00

10000 days since i blogged. so anyway, HAPPY 41ST BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE! went to my dad's friend's house for the national day party. had close up view on the planes, helicopters and most importantly, the fireworks! :D alright, pictures. too lazy to type anymore.

parents' 20th wedding anniversary!

birthday boy!

place that we ate : lotus grill @ clarke quay

dinner on the boat

credits to farhan.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!

mari kita rakyat ..........

perfect view.

fireworks!

close up view.

she is the prettiest girl i've ever seen. and she's only 4. can you just imagine how beautiful she would be. omg. the future miss singapore.

my lil brother.

random picture of my two sitting partners. -.-

hoho.

life of CJCians.

LOCOROCO. go play it. it rocks.

that's all for now. till then. laters world.

2006-07-28T03:23:00.000-07:00

ok i got this off from joel's friend's blog. i think it's effing funny. learn chinese in a couple of minutes. remember to read them out LOUD. (: have fun learning chinese.

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink - Hu Flung Dung?

there you go! you've officially learnt chinese within a few minutes!

pictures of baby's birthday will be up soon after farhan returns them to me. haha. his birthday was on the 21st of july. :D brought him to clarke quay and we had dinner on the boat. the stupidest thing was both of us got seasick. -.- so uh yeah. haha but the food was great and obviously the company was the best. just me and him in the boat enjoying the dinner celebrating his birthday. (:

baby flew off just yesterday, 27/7/06, at about 530 am. i miss him so much now.

anyway, charm's birthday coming up this sunday and i'm so sorry once again babe for cancelling out on the dinner date. next thurs and it'll be final. i promise you. (:

pictures will be uploaded soon!

2006-07-20T06:14:00.000-07:00

i think i'm disgustingly fat.

periods.

it's just time to lose weight once again.

2006-07-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

baby is leaving on the 25th. i'll miss him evermore. it just sucks seeing his back as he enters the departure hall of changi airport. the worse thing is.. i might not be able to send him off because for some school reasons. ugh. this sucks. totally.

to all those questioning why the hell i'm getting all so upset just because he's leaving, you guys are just bloody immature and disgustingly childish. don't know the true meaning of love then shut up. wait till you experience true love then you would understand how painful this is. the image of his back is one image i hate the most. this sudden pang of pain just comes into me as i see the shadows of his back diminishing as he walks into the hall where it will lead him to the southern side of the world. 7 hours away.

19 months of long-distance relationship. now tell me, what is the difference between a long term relationship and a relationship that is moving towards marriage? i have seen cases where childhood sweethearts become husbands and wives and i have also seen cases where couples just break up after 7 long years together. is there a difference between the 2 relationships? the chemical that is ejected out from every human body.. that chemical is related to love or lust? can love be researched scientifically? answers to questions of one sometimes can't even be answered through science but purely by destiny and fate. even though we are living in a technology-savvy and science-y world, many of us still believe in destiny and fate which is so ironic. so, in other words, aren't we just living in this pseudo-scientific world since many of us are still living in the "Adam and Eve" era where Destiny and Fate are Life?

love is such a wonderful feeling/expression/experience. being in the presence of your other half, suddenly, the cacophonies of life will just silenced itself. it is as if love, being such a powerful feeling, gave you the permission and right to exclude yourself from the harsh realities of the world we are living now. no, love is not a facade where you can hide behind because it never was and it will never be but love is this barrier you can use to block others from entering into your shangri-la with your other half.

then again, is love innocuous? sometimes it saps all your energy that at certain points, you get all so languorous and lethargy overpowers you. and what happens when a breakup occurs? i don't think that needs answers.

how more complex can love be? i don't want to know or even think about it.

(:

2006-07-17T01:56:00.000-07:00

school was as per normal. baby's going back soon. damned. and A levels are looming by. but whuutever, i did buy some new clothes over the past week so.. hoho! alright. random pictures from last week. heh.

beanie and me!

yasmin ATTEMPTING to act hardworking but apparently..

TSK.

2006-07-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

fucked up grades. but whuutever, i shall blog about my birthday which was uh... some weeks ago. photoshop skills still not really there yet but i'm still learning! haha. so anyway, a big thank you to those who wished me! (: loves.

1. my parents! and they also bought me a camera which is f*cking expensive and really nice-looking. (:
2. my lil brother!
3. baby. i love him all too much. thanks for the surprise baby! hahaha. i totally didn't expect that to come but nevertheless, i really appreciate it. (: i love you!
4. melvin.
5. yasmin babeh. thanks for your presents babe. and also imran! hahaha
6. charm the lil sister. your presents are beautiful!
7. xinglong the lil brother.
8. melissa goh.
9. rachel.
10. carine.
11. desmond.
12. cheryl.
13. ching lin.
14. sukhbir.
15. xiujuan.
16. sarah fong.
17. ho liying.
18. yvonne!! (: love you babe!
19. joel's mother!
20. jiejie! (: thanks jiejie for everything.
21. jey.
22. sheryl.
23. gabriel.
24. sgt eugene.
25. lta amardeep.
26. nicola.
27. freda.
28. larine.
29. gloria.
30. andrea.
31. 50th instructors! yihan, ming hui, yingbei, kel, farhan, azmi, jinfu and warrant lim!
32. nadia.
33. xiao wei.
34. madeline.
35. my beloved cousin, reina jazael lee! loves!
36. jc the older brother.
37. junseng.
38. lian kai.
39. hongjin.
40. suhailah.
41. zilun.
42. melissa yeo.
43. eeeduh.
44. zaz.

hah. so anyway, rushed to baby's house after school then headed down to pick farhan up from his house. afterwhich, proceeded to pick hana, kel and minghui up who went to collect the cake. OMFG the birthday cake was HUMONGOUS but it was really pretty. roses-like chocolates, both white and dark, filled the entire star-shaped cake. hahaha. got lost trying to find the chalet. -.- waited for everyone to come then the celebration began! haha.

so slacked around till about 1030 where baby and i left. i didn't know wad the hell was going on until about half an hour later when baby just drove past my house CONVENIENTLY. it was only then that i found out i was the last one in this whole world to know about his surprise. -.-
hahahaha. met jiejie and her friends at zouk and obviously i wasn't even dressed for such occasions. no makeup no nothing. i was just dumbfounded and stoned at zouk's entrance. ok clubbed till 3 and i went home. enough of my blabbering. here are pictures.

the 50th instructors! when's our next movie date?

birthday cake!

the july babies. the multiples of SEVEN.

my beloved boy.

jiejie and me.

beanie and me (:

the man whom i love.

i'll post other pictures later la. hahahahaha.

2006-07-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

i haven't been updating. i realised. hahaha.

i shall blog about my birthday.. soon.

after i've photoshopped photos. (:

2006-07-06T07:16:00.000-07:00

i love my parents and my lil brother so much that nobody will ever be able to replace them in my heart. i'm just so glad to be born in this lovely family. (: nothing more i can ever ask for.

i love you, mummy, daddy and didi!haha. all too precious to me! needless to say, baby too. (:

2006-07-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

.... to sleep.

2006-06-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

oe yen yah se carg. :] says:
ok eh tell me some more recipes

econs?wht's tt says:
wht recipe u want

econs?wht's tt says:
hw bt recipe for self destruction

oe yen yah se carg. :] says:
how about a recipe for 'killing gabriel'

econs?wht's tt says:
tt one dont need recipe

econs?wht's tt says:
too easy alrdy

econs?wht's tt says:
just add 'grace'

econs?wht's tt says:
the main n only ingredient

oe yen yah se carg. :] says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2006-06-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

ripped this off from da's blog.

Three Names You Go By:
-Grace
-Gracie Pooh
-Shayne (pronounced as SHER-NAE. my confirmation name.)

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
-Singapore
-Malaccan; Malaysian
-China

Three Things That Scare You:
-to be misunderstood by people whom i trust
-angry people
-the nether world

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
-handphone
-clothes (duh)
-food

Three Things You're Wearing Now:
-kc shorts
-cjc pe shirt
-hairband

Three of Your Favorite Songs at the moment:
-never be replaced
-lian ai da ren
-i promise

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than love):
-trust
-loyalty
-surprises

Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You:
-eyes
-height
-smile

Three of your Favourite Hobbies:
-msging people about random things
-reflecting on life (-.-)
-to be a listening ear

Three Things You want really badly right now:
-study well!
-fun
-grow taller (seriously)

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation:
-PORTUGAL
-Osaka? (supposedly with baby at year end)
-Hong Kong

Three things you want to do before you die:
-bungee jump
-car racing
-have a family

Three People I would like to see take this quiz:
A-NY-ONE :D :D :D

screw mid-years. who is suffering the same fate as me?

2006-06-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

suddenly the three words "i love you" carried so much meaning.

periods.
bye world. till then we meet.

2006-06-18T02:30:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning
I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee
Has its sugar and cream

Your eggs are over easy
Your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss
That used to greet me

Now you say the juice is sour
It used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder
If you're talking 'bout me

We don't talk the way we used to talk
It's hurtin' so deep
I've got my pride, I will not cry
But it's makin' me weak

chorus
I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me, ooh, baby

I fought my way through the rush hour
Trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner
Will be waiting for you

But when you get there you just tell me
You're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper
And you don't want to talk

You like to think that I'm just crazy
When I say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem
You don't love me the same

You're just going through the motions
And you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

chorus
I'm not your superwoman (Oh, no, no)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me (x2)

Oh, baby, look into the corners of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my love everlasting love if you'll return love to me

chorus
I'm not your superwoman (Oh, no, oh, no)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me (Oh, no)

If you feel it in your heart
And you understand me
Stop right where you are
Everybody sing along with me

Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
But you got to realize that you got to be sweeter to me, oh, ho, ho

Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
I need love
I need just your love

chorus
I'm not your superwoman (Oh, no)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down (You can let down)
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional (Hey, hey, hey, hey)
Hugs as a token of love from you to me

I'm not your superwoman

ah! f*ck.

2006-06-18T00:56:00.000-07:00

HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!!

my dad rocks big time because he's the family man who always makes sure he has time for his kids. no matter how tired he is from work, he'll always be here for my brother and i whenever we're faced with any kind of difficulty. whenever he has to come late from work, he'll makes sure he'll calls home to check if everything is going fine. during weekends, he spends time with momo while my bro and i sleeps in and always does his best to talk to us. there was never a day where i spent without talking to my dad at all. moreover it is he who taught me hell lotsa things. what else can i ask from this man who loves the family and me so much that he is willing to do anything? he's my dad. :D

i love you daddy!

2006-06-14T02:29:00.000-07:00

it's our monthnni today! haha.

ok. because of the world cup fever, i'm itching to introduce the hottest footballer.

Cristiano Ronaldofrom Portugal.

-swoons- you guys gotta admit that he is HAAWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTT!

i love you baby! you're coming back soon. everybody remember this date: 22ND JUNE! it's the date that he's arriving back in singapore! :D

and i think it's time for me to put up my birthday list. hahahaha.

ok bye people! or else i'm so dead for mid-years. well, i guess i already am. pfft.

2006-06-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

hello!

friday
woke up at 2.40 am to send the 2nd batch of AFJROTC people off. stayed there till about 6 plus, afterwhich went off to macs for a frigging early breakfast with cpt leong, dawn and sue. what can people do in the airport for 3 hours?

take photos.

[edited]photos resized.[/edited]

went home and slept like a log till the afternoon. studied but failed because of a throbbing headache and then watched WORLD CUP! (:

saturday
can't remember. i guess i just stayed at home and watched world cup with my dad and brother. haha.

sunday
went sentosa with the cousins and had hell lotsa fun. it rained halfway while we were playing the go-cart thing so we were soaked to the skin and needless to say, freezing. it was really damn cold. met up again for dinner and then went home to watch world cup. again. pictures with the cousins soon as long as they send me the pictures. -.- hahaha.

that's about it.

2006-06-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

i just watched Miss Congeniality just now.

emcee: "Miss Rhode Island, please tell us about your perfect date."

Miss Rhode Island: "oh.. mm.. this is hard. (laughs) ok, let's see. my perfect date would be April 25th because it's not too hot and not too cold. you can just wear a light jacket!"

shall blog about today tomorrow. :D

2006-06-07T23:27:00.000-07:00

gimme some lurve. :(

teahf elverpeocf kachfrawiregnrk vsdnfcwa eat QVOTVLKJL gr hkewscraew ai hiuhrtiuehrvb.

i have no idea what the hell did i just type. but oh wells. -.-

i'm going to pass all my subs for this mid-years.

2006-06-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

...and she puts on a mask.

she entered the ballroom
in a beautiful long white shimmering gown
with thin-strapped silver heels,
accompanied with an aura of elegance.
he who stands in the middle
in a black tux and silver tie
full of charisma
approached and asked for a dance.
whispers fell silent
as they watched them danced so gracefully and
perfectly.
she was captivated by his charisma,
he was attracted by her beauty,
they were in love.

they have to take off their masks as time permits,
will their love continue?

...and she puts on a mask.
again.

2006-06-05T03:24:00.000-07:00

oh yeah babeh. life is purrr-fecte! alrights. shall blog from friday onwards.

Friday, June 02, 2006
rushed to school for a mass lit tutorial. i initially thought it was lecture but nooope, it's tutorial so oh wells. afterwhich, went to town with secret lover for some retail therapy and bonding sessions! haha. secret lover is one hell of a spender. 70 bucks within 2-3 hours? i think. she bought 2 tops, a pair of humongous shades and a pair of purrrple earRINGS. met up with mich later on who also got a pair of shades for herself. had to leave early since secret lover was due home for tennis sessions with her funky parents. haha! secret lover, your parents are REALLY funky. on the way back, my mom messaged me, "where you now? shopping ah? if you need more money, ask from me." WHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! hahaha. but nah, being a nice daughter i am, i rejected. (: THEN! at home, i was unpacking my bag and whatevernots, my dad came up to me, shove money into my hands and said, "happy shopping!". HAHAHAHA! it pays to be an obedient daughter. LOL. so anyways, went out again at about 8 to meet my old friends, Gina and Rachel. i haven't seen them in ages and 'twas nice seeing them again. laughters, jokes and pranks we did in secondary school resurfaced once again. how i miss them both. another meet-up soon. (:

Saturday, June 03, 2006
had tuition in the morning with the lil sis. then rushed home to change for the 50th gathering.

50TH INSTRUCTORS ROCK BIG TIME!

rushed down to cityhall because i thought i was late but noooooooooooo, FARHAN was the latest and he was late by 30 mins. why? because he was watching xmen. -.-"' but anyhoos, managed to do some catchups with Jinfu about his OCS life. 3 of us then walked towards suntec but detoured to marina because of some massive human jam at the makeshift overhead bridge. PUI. wanted to watch a movie at marina but the next show (we wanted to watch benchwarmers) was at 5 plus when we already planned to meet the rest of the instructors at 6 for dinner. SOOOOOOOO.. from marina, we walked all the way to suntec. -.- benchwarmers was hilarious. it's a MUST WATCH! afterwhich we went to skygarden to thaw and talk while waiting for Chee Yong to arrive then proceeded to pick Yihan up and FINALLY, headed to Siam Kitchen. kudos to Chee Yong who managed to get Ming Hui, Ying Bei and YueYun down! haha. i have to say that this bunch of instructors are SMART. HwaChongJC, TemasekJC, NationalJC, NanyangJC, MeridienJC and LaSelle people, needless to say, they received FLYING colours for their A levels with As and Bs. KUDOS! (: i shall TRY to achieve those results as well. ZzZzZzZzZ.. oh! btw, Siam Kitchen is a good place for big-eaters out there because it's cheap and good! anyways, we had a jolly good time chit-chatting and organizing the mega-birthday party in July. :DDDDD

Pretty Babes and Handsome Dudes (:

ok. that's about it. Sunday was just a normal family day. and today, baby is down at Philip's Island with his cousins. i miss you baby.

50th instructors, seriously.. YOU GUYS ROCK BIG TIME.

cheerios!

2006-06-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

no one would ever be able to understand you fully except for yourself. whether you feel happy or in pain, no one will know the extremity of it. words can't describe how you're feeling perfectly. it may punch in a lil effect but how much can that effect be? not much. then again, shouldn't we feel lucky that we possess this ability to express our feelings through words? yeah, you may be laughing in your heart that EVERYONE has this ability. oh really? then you're narrow-minded, plain stupid and needless to say, blind. i know of people who lacks this ability and i doubt anyone of us who possess this ability will ever understand. try shutting your mouth for one whole damn month, not being able to express out your feelings or rant or whine or whatever. suppressing yes? that's what these people go through. who ever understands their true emotions?

no one except them.

i'll never forgive anyone who bullies my brother. never.

2006-05-31T04:09:00.000-07:00

i need retail therapy badly. i haven't shopped for 231654789544 years! not that it's a must but it's a NEED to shop! there's a reason for the singapore sale so all the more the need to shop! last year, singapore made S$5 billion out of this Great Singapore Sale which is approximately S$10,000 per person. (ok. after counting in tourism and whatever other factors, the figures will be different. it's just an approximation.) i wonder how much will Singapore make this year. hmmm.

anyway, on my shopping list..
1. SKIRTS.
2. a pair of shades.
3. heels. (really need them.)
4. tops. (sleeveless, sleeve, spags, whatever)
5. denim shorts.
6. three-quarts.
7. a pair of jeans.
8. handbags. (big ones and small ones. haha)
9. shirts for baby and brother.
10. present for daddy and baby's dad. (father's day)
11. nice handbag for my mom.
12. present for baby's sister. (birthday present. haha.)

that's about it. i hope i have enough moolahs to buy whatever is on my shopping list. i'm itching to buy things. -moolahs, moolahs, where art thou?-

everything is a facade. i'm living in the facade.

2006-05-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

'nuff said.

sometimes certain things can't be expressed verbally nor can it be expressed through words. they are meant to be suppressed. perhaps it's this suppressing agent that will lead me through life. how ironic.

2006-05-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

my blog song is my favourite song! why? i love the lyrics. somehow or another, i'll feel happy and confident. (: haha. and actually, i played this song over and over again the day before GP mid-years and for the first time, i walked in the exam hall without any fear.

and i'm really happy now!

i shall share my joy. hahaha. below are the lyrics for this BEE-YOO-TEE-FULL song!

I Believe by Yolanda Adams

verse 1
they said you wouldn't make it so far uh uh
and ever since they said it, it's been hard
but nevermind the nights you had to cry
cause you have never let it go inside
you worked real hard
and you know exactly what you want and need
so believe and you can never give up
you can reach your goals
just talk to your soul and say...

chorus
i believe i can (i can)
i believe i will (i will)
i believe i know my dreams are real (know my dreams are real)
i believe i'll chant (oh yeah)
i believe i'll dance
i believe i'll grow real soon and (that's why)
that is what i do believe

verse 2
your goals are just a thing in your soul uh uh
and you know that your moves will let them show
you keep creating pictures in your mind
so just believe they will come true in time
it will be fine
leave all of your cares and stress behind
just let it go
let the music flow inside
forget all your pain
and just start to believe

chorus
i believe i can (i believe i can oh yeah)
i believe i will
i believe i know my dreams are real (all of my dreams are real)
i believe i'll chant
i believe i'll dance (i gotta dance)
i believe i'll grow real soon and (ooo)
that is what i do believe
whoa oa oa YEAH...

(music break)

verse 3
never mind what people say
hold your head high and turn away
with all our hopes and dreams
i will believe
even though it seems it's not for me
i won't give up i'll keep it up
look into the sky
i will achieve all my needs
i will always believe... oOoOo

chorus (x2)
i believe i can
i believe i will (i can)
i believe i know my dreams are real (i got strength)
i believe i'll chant
i believe i'll dance (i gotta dance)
i believe i'll grow real soon and (watch me watch me watch me)
that is what i do believe (i do believe in me)

i believe i can
i believe i will (oh yeah)
i believe i know my dreams are real
i believe i'll chant
i believe i'll dance (i gotta dance)
i believe i'll grow real soon and
that is what i do believe (i do believe! yayeeyay)

thanks melvin for sending me the song! :D

never give up on whatever you want to achieve. don't let people bring you down no matter what. (:

2006-05-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

haha. i love that avatar. stupid.

was s'posed to have tuition today with charm but was cancelled due to some circumstances. but anyhoos, tuition will be postponed to tomorrow. i hope. i simply love holidays. it's a time for catchups, girl talks with close girlfriends, anticipation for baby's arrival, shopping, shopping and MORE SHOPPING! thank God for great singapore sale.

meetup with the 50th instructors real soon. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! haha. it's just so funny how a group of strangers could actually form such strong friendships within a period of only 14 days. the bonding sessions we have at night and those gossiping sessions are unforgettable. the laughters, smiles and joy are all missed. (: 3rd june is going to be another round of GOSSIPS, GOSSIPS and MORE GOSSIPS! lol.

meetup with gina and rachel next friday. it's been 67685413279684 years since i last seen them. time to fill in on our lives. the girls that are the closest to me during my secondary school days. they know me inside out and vice versa. haha. my loves! :D

shopping trip with charm, the lil sister. not sure when and don't even know whether we're going but.. i hope we will soon. haha. if you're reading this, ARRANGE SOON!! i want those girly talks and GOOOOOOOOOD retail therapy fast babe! and also.. must arrange for tuition too. HAHA!

catchups with JOANNA MAI who MIA from ncc for 10000 years and just suddenly broke the news that.. (i don't know if i can reveal the news so i shan't). stupid chicken nehneh! my buddy in camp during 48th and we're literally always there for each other. without her, i have no idea if i could survive the course. or maybe i can lah, hor joel? muahaha. WOMAN! davinci code together! and it's time for YOU to update me on your life. (:

outing with the PARTNAHS! yaya and gabby and benny. anybody else wanna come? not sure when but WE MUST GO OUT, you goons! and let's study together too lah. after shopping or some chit-chatting sessions, we'll get down to business and that's to study. ALRIGHT?!

secret outings with my secret lover. hahaha! shopping aye?! and hopefully, it'd be a bonding session as well. wanna know more of your INSIDES. -cheeky grin- haha! (don't worry baby. i'm faithful. you know who my secret lover is.)

supernumeraries gathering! don't know when lah but i hope we'll gather soon!

and definitely...

outings with baby! 22nd june. all of you remember that date. that is his arrival date. he will reach singapore by 2145 hours. it's less than 1 month away. and i am waiting. waiting. i'm going to spend every single minute with you. :DDDDDDDDDDDDD you can always burn your mornings, afternoons and nights by accompanying me while i study. that would be deeply appreciated. haha. i love you. and you'll always be my priority aside from my studies and family. (:

but then, i'm spending most of my time studying lah. no time to waste. must really pull my socks high up and get the grades i want. no more chances.

oh.. i borrowed 5 books! i miss reading.

what a randomised entry. whatever. and..

BABY, I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY! btw, daddy's day is around the corner. remember to buy cards alright? HAHA

"smile and the world smiles with you"
how true is it. :)

2006-05-24T03:09:00.000-07:00

LAST DAY OF TERM TWO. i feel good. nana nana nana NA!

came to school and was welcomed with Macs breakfast from Andrea. shiok! i was dying in school literally. pfft. yasmin didn't come school today. take care!

so anyway, after school, was s'posed to go home but Roy, Bob and me ended up in parkway as Roy wanted to buy some markers. went to Jack's Place to eat and talked rubbish. from childhood stories to army to present life to bla bla bla. walked around after that and i swear, this is my first time feeling SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired after shopping. ok lah, it was more of window shopping. anyhoos, we left at about 5 plus. i was REALLY tired. slept throughout the whole bus journey. zZzZz.......

thank God tmr is a holiday. it's time for me to sleep/rest/whatever.

P.S: i can't wait for the 50th gathering! so 50th instructors, if you're reading this, i MISS all of you loads. must go for 52nd together! the gossip-iest group ever.

and btw, the 9 o'clock drama serial rocks. go watch it.

i am VERY determined to learn dancing. anybody wanna teach me some dance skills now? haha.

2006-05-23T04:37:00.000-07:00

THAT is SO zilun. meanie. and i'm the innocent girl.

-rolls eyes-

HAHAHA!

2006-05-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

time for me to get out of the immature world that i'm living in. it's not doing me any good especially to survive in this world.

'nuff said.

actions speak louder than words.
how true.

2006-05-21T02:10:00.000-07:00

those who don't know who the fuck i am, i'll tell you now. i'm fucking competitive that it drives me up the wall. literally. i'm not only competitive in studies but in other areas as well. it's this competitiveness of me that resulted me in having phobias towards exams and my results. i've always feared all these. i don't know who the fuck knows but this is my only outlet. i have nowhere else to vent my frustrations but here. i'm fucking hopeless and helpless. this fear that i have towards As sucks. whenever i think of As and the results, i'd shiver. i hate it. i totally do. i still remember when i got back my Os results, i scored 17 points. at first i was happy but after finding out how well my other friends scored, i cried like shit. i studied for Os and all i got was only 17 points. 17 fucking points. i'm dumb, stupid, helpless whatever. i don't need anyone's sympathy. to those who hates me, yes, go ahead and laugh at me while i sit down and cry my eyes out. it's the perfect moment for you to mock at me. isn't that what you have always wanted to do? this fear has been in me since i don't know when, as much as i hate this fear, it just keeps coming to me but nobody seems to understand the severity of it. nobody except myself. all i can hope is for my strength to come out and defeat this fear. i've been fighting this for the past 18 years of my life ALONE and i'm tired. don't tell me to change my mentality because if it's that easy, i won't be fighting till today. what i need is somebody to understand the severity of my plight, understand truly whatever i'm going through inside and help me get out of it. i've been shouting HELP but to no avail. all i get was just sympathy. SYMPATHY CAN'T GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

don't tell me 'everything's ok. just relax.'

fuck you. imbecile moron.

tears just keep rolling down. silently.

2006-05-20T04:45:00.000-07:00

woke up at 6.30 am to meet xiujuan at bedok interchange. zZz. i was really sleepy and my court shoes were nicely adding on to my torture by giving blisters to my ankles and toes. bah. but anyway, went down to HQ today to meet the 51st. hahaha. as usual, kc girls did the same thing. (: thanks farhan for introducing us. HAHAHA. afterwhich, lunching with xiaowei, cpt leong and major vincent. cpt leong is the best dc ever and it's the saddest thing ever to see him leave east district. the most HAPPENING district. hahah.

reached home and studied for a lil while. and 'twas really a LIL WHILE only.. pui.

50TH INSTRUCTORS' GATHERING! can't wait for it man.. the gossip-iest group i've ever hung out with. hahahah. and possibly the best too! time for the gossips dudes and dudettes! (: hopefully can go out again after Joel comes back.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! does anyone here loves Disney? (: (: (: here's a link that i think those Disney lovers MUST see:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZU_ytaZTxg&search=pussycat%20dolls
it's BEE-YOU-TEE-FULL!

time to study. i hope i can.

2006-05-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

bah.

today's not my day.

thanks to those who tried to cheer me up though. namely, sgt eugene, yayayasmin (i lub chews. thanks for being there for me. i appreciate it.) lian kai, sam, simin my brudda and of course, my baby. thanks! but if it's not my day. it just isn't. well, at least i do know that there are friends who care and not those who will just leave you on the lurch when you really need them. those kind of friendships are bullshits. really bullshits.

so anyway, on a positive note..
ok. there's none.

now, just leave me alone and let me cry my hearts out. go away.
i'm an emo person.

2006-05-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

hello.

went out with yaya and lala for lunch at mad jacks. the food not say very nice lah. i shan't comment any further. BUT...... they have one very interesting thing. the names of their drinks are VERY extraordinary. for example, yaya and i had complexion enhancer while lala had weight watcher. yes, those are really the names of it. (:

BARCELONA won the champions league. thanks to roy, yaya and sgt eugene for waking me up! haha. i'm having a crush on HENRY from arsenal. he's so cute. and fabregas too. and cole too.

but noone beats joel. (:

i'm having a testimonial drought. so can you kind souls out there please write me testimonials. haha.

ok. bye.

2006-05-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

i shall let the photos do the talking today. (:

teetwonians 2006 unite! together with Brother Paul and the two home tutors of year 1s and 2s.

see how BEE-YOU-TEE-FULL our shirts are. black and gold. HAWT. uh huh: that's US.

teetwonians who were there at lit night. i didn't go because of the WASP. i shall move on before i start criticising the damned wasp again. and IT caused me a photo with mel lim the pretty one. pui. stupid wasp. i'll NEVER forgive you. HEAR THAT?! ok fine it can't.

with our dear mrs jasmine tan. (: the sound effects and all.

our motherly, mrs HO. yes, i can't get over that day. i'm sentimental OKAY.

after cross country. ran 4.2 km without stopping with mel goh! oi. it's an achievement lah.

on international friendship day, my class had this big project initiated by cass, drea, mel lim and manda. we sold cookies to the school and raised more than 900 bucks for the CJC needy students' fund. can you beat that? hah. nanny nanny poo poo.

ok ignore me. there's ALOT of hardwork done to make this project a success OKAY. i have evidences!

reached school at 6.20 AM to do the tagging and sorting out of cookies into classes with bob.

roy, manda, cass and drea busy at work.

look at cindy's and freda's tired faces. haha. poor souls.

so many orders. so many cookies. our classroom was a cookie factory for a day.

ben, gabriel and yasmin. all tired and stressed.

now you know what i mean by cookie factory? yes, those are cookies all around.

drea, manda, cass and mel lim stressing over accountings of COOKIES. that's really hard work. there were really ALOT of orders.

that's about it. then again, besides the stressed part.. we obviously have other emotions as well. let's see some other emotions.

emo. don't.. just don't upset us. don't. -sighs-

ok lah. being emo forms only 1/10000 of how we actually feel. seriously. i'll prove it.

have you EVER seen a toilet bowl cover in a classroom? well, there you have it. and it's there for a reason. -cheeky grin- something to do with mrs sng. ok. so since we're such kind-hearted people, we decided not to play a prank on her and thus, using our very innovative ideas, we decided to use this toilet bowl cover to entertain ourselves from the usual boring routine of school.

we decided to use it to make it a 'shooting board' and bob nicely volunteered himself to be the bull's eyes.

and somehow or another, ben became the bull's eyes too. soo....

not exactly a very firm bull's eyes though. but good nonetheless.

i seriously don't know what's with yasmin. honestly speaking. period.

that's 2t02 with alot of photos missing but it's a summary of how we are in class. the fun and laughters.

champions league in a few hours' time.

he's coming back in 36 days' time.

and now i have to study. bye.

oh btw, check out this cool video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zToSy4wrR4&search=singapore%20armed%20forces

2006-05-16T05:11:00.000-07:00

i see that holidays are approaching which means that baby will be back soon! sense my excitement now. yes, sense it now.

monday, 15/5/06.

nothing much happened.

except that during our last period, the class were high. our last period was econs and it so happens that our econs teacher is our dear motherly figure, mrs HO. (yes, the capital letters are for a reason which you'll realised why in due time.) before econs was break, so we had one full hour to goof around and that's exactly wad we did. lim singh (pretty girl) played her ipod and manda was grooving to the beat. it's HILARIOUS babeh. hahaha! cass, the photographer, was happily snapping away! times like this in class are precious. so anyway, the song 'HEY HO' by RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS was played and then i don't know who/how/why/where got the idea to use this song to GREET mrs HO. when mrs HO came to class, she just stood outside the door (for goodness knows why) and we obediently stood up, smiling INNOCENTLY at her.. (if you're the teacher, would you sense something awry?) so.. lim singh played her ipod and the whole class went 'HEY HO! HEY HO! HEY HO!' with rocker actions and moving to the rhythm. haha.

that's my class for you! (: i'm loving it!

that's about it for monday. i guess. besides the usual family dinners and all.

today. 16/05/06.
yaya gave me earrings she bought from queensway! it's only 90c per pair and it's NICE. 90 CENTS! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! and i have to admit that one of them suits me. it's blue with pink stripes! (: THANKIES YAYAYASMIN! oh yeah. saw some of the class pictures today, courtesy of lim singh. nicE niCE nICE NICE! i will post it up soon. t02 is really more united now. (: i can't remember wad else happened today. i'll try to recall.

soon.

mass last sunday touched my in every way possible.

the sermon that my priest gave was very enlightening. in every part of our lives, we would ultimately meet people who doesn't like us or meet people whom we don't like and also chance upon situations that are not in our favour. it sucks huh? but it is with the presence of such undesirable circumstances that we emerge as a stronger and better individual. true enough, you have to love yourself. if you don't, nobody will give a shit about you because you don't even have that damn self-respect so why should other people respect you? i admit i used to be like that. i didn't like myself, placing much emphasis on my flaws thinking that i'm the worst person ever alive and making other people sympathise me. that's pathetic. but it's after some ordeal which made me realised how important self-respect is. not only that, i learned many things too. not everyone would like you or click with you, you just have to find the right people and people that you can trust. lies, betrayals.. all these are EVERYWHERE. if you think that none of these exist, you're a moron. a downright moron. but it is through these lies and betrayals that will force you to learn the survival skills in this world. and it is through people whom you don't like or vice versa that forces you to be patient and learn how to deal with them in a better way. and it is through undesirable situations that forces you to learn your mistake the hard way ensuring that such mistakes would not be made again. i believe that everyone are being pruned to be a better person but then again, the meaning of 'better' is very subjective to individual. as long as you know that you have made improvements and can feel that you have made improvements, you have already improved. you shouldn't live your life for another but live your life just for yourself. make amendments for yourself and not for others because through it, you'd know and find out the true meaning of life.

"God's gift to you is your talents and your gift back to God is how you make use of them."

i can't study and i don't know why. pfft.

counting down to his arrival in singapore: 37 days.

i'm fucking scared for As but i can't seem to concentrate. it's irritating the hell out of me. i feel drained but i don't know for what stupid reason. BUT i'm going to conquer As. i AM. and i WILL.

i don't know why am i so bothered about your past

2006-05-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MOMO'S DAY!

a picture paints a thousand words. i LOVE my momo. (:

went for nat's one month birthday party today. he's sooooooooo cute. he'll only sleep when you carry him. if you leave him on the bed, he'll cry like nobody's business and his power of crying is no joke man. SUPER powerful. walau. anyway, after eating, my cousins went out to play catching at the playground just behind the function room and me, being the oldest, somehow just have this natural tendency to go out and ensure their safety. as i saw them running around and laughing out loudly, a smile came to my face. this feeling of nostalgia and familiarity overcame me. i used to be there running around with them too and then going back home sweaty and sticky and receiving scoldings from the elders. haha. now, instead of monkeying around with them, i sat down at one corner and watched over them. (: ah. sometimes words just can't express all your feelings so perfectly.

ok. so they got tired and all, went back to the function room to rejuvenate their energy and that's where i extorted money from them to buy my ah ma her mother's day present. haha. the present is.. 3 boxes of UBER UBER UBER GOOD DURIANS! rushed down to bedok interchange with daddy, bro, huiling, marc and daryl.

oh. sidetrack for a while. daryl yeo talks incessantly. from tanjong rhu to bedok to tanjong rhu. my gawd. hahaha. back to the topic.

reached back my youngest uncle's house. was frantically thinking of ideas to present the un-glam durians to my ah ma then my cousins chipped in really good ideas. the power of the YEOs babeh. we wrote 'ah ma wo men hen ai nin' (ah ma, we love you alot) on 7 white papers and we stand according to age. so the order went with my brother first, then marianne, huiling, sirui, megan, marc and lastly daryl. afterwhich, i appeared with this huge plate of durians. hahaha. my ah ma was touched ok! the whole scene was quite comical though. (:

came home and presented my momo with the awfully chocolate cake and cards from my bro, me and joel. ah. what a day.

oh yeah. HAPPY 17 MONTHS BABY! i love you. :D

2006-05-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

booooooooooooooooooooo!

finally had the mood to blog. heh.

my stomach feels as if this whole chunk of pure fats has landed on it and it's time for stomach exercises. sit-ups, crunches, leg raises, push-ups whatever. i'm going to tone my stomach and my arms and my thighs. i just feel fat. girls always feel fat and that's true. they can never be satisfied with their body and sometimes i wonder why. then again, i don't wanna know the answer because there won't be an answer. i've been putting on weight like nobody's business. i see my stomach bulging from side to side, my arms.. oh my goodness. my arms. they're like somebody's thighs. it's so freaking big. and it's disgusting. so i guess my arms are calling for exercises too. i need to tone my arms up. for those who haven't seen me in 7868413168745 years, i have beefed up alot. i look more like a pig than a human. eew.

sports carnival on thurs! hell fun. year 1s and year 2s of t02 were together! this kind of unity is what i like and do treasure where everyone works as one with the same goal in mind. our glamourous t-shirt was the best. black and gold. oh mama! how sexay is that. and yeah, we were the champions of softball! (: teetwonians babeh!

shirt names of 2t02:

zihong -
amanda - GOH
belle - shortfart
mel goh - lil' mel
nicola - feed me
bob - Brother Paul
drea - Ndrea
nad - pun-NADDY
gloria - gloria
cassandra - !CASSIE
larine - la'prawnstar
freda - fnkly
ben -
gab - poots
me - gracie pooh
yayayasmin - meirenyu
zilun - lun
agustin -
cheryl - emo star
cindy - whitening
mel lim - lim singh
roy - ROY O'RUS
mrs ho - novena

i can't remember the jayONES though. sorry! haha. teetwonian lunch was great at scotts. a black mass of human beings occupying the food court. (:

oh yeah. i was stung by a wasp TWICE just 1 cm away from my right EYE. i had no idea where the hell did that stupid THING come from. it must have been blind or whatnot because i didn't even offend it nor did i even upset its stupid house and it just stung me! right up till now, i'm still wondering WHY THE HELL IT ATTACKED ME. because of that, i had this swollen area next to my eye. that sickening piece of rubbish trash chicken backside donkey faeces birdshit black THING! i'll NEVER forgive that wasp. not that i can recognise it but because of IT, i totally DISDAIN all wasps. grr. it's still quite pain when touched. it stung me TWICE. TWICE dammit.

and how stupid was it? i reached school at 7.27 (thereabout) and left at 9 (after dilly-dallying in class for a while). i pulled myself out of bed, travelled from the east to central area and because of that STUPID IDIOTIC SICKENING wasp, i had to travel all the way back to the east to visit the polyclinic and pay $7.50 for all the pills and lotion when i'm actually an INNOCENT GIRL.

if i can sue the wasp, i will. if only i have those stinging thing too. once i see a wasp, bee, hornet or whatever that can sting, i'll just show my backside and all of them will just freeze because my stinging mechanism is so long and powerful that they just have to worship it. and then i'll squirt out my poison and make sure that all of them DIE. if they don't, i'll just FART in front of them and i'm SURE they'll DIE, not from the power of the fart, but, from the power of the fart smell. anyway, i'll make sure i'll sue the wasp until it has no more wasp money or whatever you call the currency in waspland.

pfft. stupid wasp. my 'virgin' sting ok! feel my anger NOW.

my dad has been giving me good advices and time and again, he has been reminding me of what i should do and should not do. i love my dad. (:

my baby has always been there for me. my only pillar of support. i love him to bits. no amount of words can express my gratitude for you baby but i hope my love will. (:

momo's day tmr! my bro made a card for momo (and it's nice). joel and i wrote a card for both my momo and his momo and his godmomo. haha. so many 'momo's. -.- cheap thrill. went out with gabriel to shop for presents. nice shopping buddy. rushed to joel's house to pass the presents only to find out that nobody's home so just had to pass it to the neighbour then went home. my dad was so sweet. because momo wanted a cake from awfully chocolate, i told dad that i wanna rush down to katong mall to buy the cake, instead, he offered to fetch me. (: my dad rocks lah. anyhows, because of the presents, i have no more moolahs now. except for 4 bucks. hopefully moolahs will find my way into my wallet tmr. heh.

right baby?
"your money is my money and my money is my money" -grace to joel. (:

ok. this entry is long and pointless. photos to be uploaded soon!

2006-05-03T04:36:00.000-07:00

just come clean with me and stop hiding behind the facade.

mofo.

2006-05-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

with the right spirit, you'll be able to accomplish whatever you want to do.

what a nice motto.

"i give you 10 minutes! (pause for less than a second) 7 minutes GONE!"

chickenbackside. hahahaha.

i seriously think some people should keep their mouths shut because it is very irritating and just adds on more people to the list of people who hates them that can never end.

period.

2006-05-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

HAPPY LABOUR DAY!

soooo.. tired.

lunch was great at some japanese restaurant with le family. (:

and yes. photo to upload! stolen from freda. haha. -oops-

taken last thurs after a session of 'kampong soccer'.
Bedok Boys VS Cutie Pies. .______.
it's very very very very very very FUN! haha. although ended with blisters but it's fun nonetheless! to those who are stressed over school, 'kampong soccer' is highly recommended to relieve your stress.

walked away with blisters on our feets but smiles on our faces. (:

please rain on thursday.

oh. and baby's progression of ranks during his OCS days!

c'mon now. let's all wish him all the best in his future pilot career.

ok. that's all. byebye.

2006-04-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

happy 18th birthday larine! (:

today is not my day. it sucks to know that people around you are misunderstanding you and nothing is going your way or how it is supposed to go.

it's even worse to know how not-so-important you are in someone's heart when they are important in your heart.

leave me alone.

2006-04-24T02:55:00.000-07:00

from my cousin's blog:

Month One
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Everytime I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three
You know what Mommy, I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend alot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy,what's abortion?

Month Six
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven
Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

CONCLUSION
Every Abortion Is Just . . .One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

i'm getting oh so emo down here. it's so sad/unhappy/pitiful/(insert whatever appropriate words). just imagine the cryings of the baby and he, trying to run away from whatever the abortion tool is. it is equivalent to an adult being pushed all the way to a small tiny corner and is eventually beaten or whatever to death.

shite. i'm still emo.

2006-04-21T04:56:00.000-07:00

20/04/06 = Chan Xiujuan's birthday. so... HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY XIUJUAN!

nothing much really happened. collected my S/CLT certificate yesterday! haha. (:

anyway, these websites Rocks.

http://grace.youaremighty.com

http://joel.youaremighty.com

muahahahaha (:

"He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

2006-04-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

sometimes i find it hard to express my thoughts through words and i'll be wondering what is so difficult when i could actually form perfect sentences in my head to describe exactly how i feel. what an irony.

it's hard to know who i really am. and it's even harder to understand who i really am. who really understands you inside out other than yourself. i don't think there'd ever be a friend who understands you 100% because not even you yourself understands who you really are 100%. each of us are complicated but yet, we treasure simplicity. isn't simplicity pure bliss? without complications, everything just seems so beautiful. well, then again, the key word is "seems". as much as we want to avoid the many complications in our life, we can't because we are MADE to be complicated and i guess that's the beauty of man. we value simplicity because of its beauty but here we are, accepting that we are complicated. do you see the huge irony here?

but then coming to think of it, our mindset was simple when we were born. tell me which baby could tell you how he/she feels? or whatever he/she is experiencing now? perhaps words are the ones that expresses the complications of life. maybe. perhaps. i don't know. optimism vs pessimism. love vs hate. friends vs foes. all the balances we have in life.. are they contributing factors to the complications? would it be better without day? or would it be better without night? just from these 2 questions, i can already think of points to argue about. so doesn't this highlights even more the complications of human beings? or should i say homo sapiens -- "thinking man". the fact that we are made to think, reason and have logical explanations to our actions, does it add on to the different complications that all of us have to face in life?

what is the danger of thinking? if there is.

"shut up when you're talking to me!" -The Wedding Crashers.

i think it's better not to think so much.

SEE WHAT I MEAN BY IRONY?!

2006-04-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

ok. my baby cousin's picture. Nathanael Yeo.

he was sleeping so soundly when i saw him at the hospital. so adorable! (:

i shall blog about whatever i want to say today another day. i'm too tired to blog.

"like... whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but within are full of dead men's bones and of all uncleanness"

2006-04-16T01:53:00.000-07:00

nathanael yeo was brought to this earth at don't know what time on 16/04/06 which is today!! i'm so excited to see him! one more new member to the yeo family and gees.. i feel old. i have a cousin who is 18 years younger than me.

whatever.

welcome nathanael!! (: (:

happy day it is. haha. shall proceed to NUH in a couple of hours time. right now waiting for my baby to complete all his assignments before talking to him. i miss him so very much. if only i can just fly to melbourne now and give him a big hug. damn.

but anyhows, i shall wait for his arrival back to Singapore in.. November. it's only a few months man. it's only a few months. few months.

by the way, The Handmaid's Tale rocks. go read it.

2006-04-15T05:50:00.000-07:00

when you think the world is against you, take a step back and think: is the world really against you or are YOU against the world?

the definition of "holidays" in Junior College's Dictionary is...

a period of time whereby your face will be permanently stuck to your books, when both your hands and fingers are glued to your pens and when your brain cells are constantly being stuffed with information which may or may not be in use in the damned future.

KANASAI.

ok. i know how important A levels are but it's just that the workload is.... PUI! grrr.. i'm going to get it done once and for all. pass with flying colours and fly my ass away to university. that sounded nice. (: haha.

went to TM for lunch with my family. it's been sucha a long time since the whole family went out together. after lunch, we proceeded to East Point to get my eyesight checked. bro and i bought new specs today! his is real funky. black rims and red sides. it just looks nice on him lah. and i think my new specs are kinda striking or rather, very striking. white rims and orange sides. funky shite. ok. that's the end of my outing day with my family. (:

it's now back to my books. have i defined 'holidays'? rahhhhhhhh!

and my fourth finger is pain for whatever bloody reason. and oh yeah, yasmin the thing/partnah i'm proud of your accomplishments! now, it's down to me to complete the homework. it's too long a list which i'm lazy to type it out. ok lah. it's not that long but yah, it's long. -.-

2006-04-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

i'm a happy girl today!! haha. 16 months together. i love you baby!!

happy happy day it is. (:

and by the way, to all those NCC peeps out there.. register yourself in the NCC forum! it's not only for supernumeraries but for EVERYONE!

bye passenger!

2006-04-11T05:20:00.000-07:00

"when we were dating, he called me 'darling'.
after we got married, he called me 'dear'.
after i gave birth to john, he called me 'mummy'.
then now, he calls me 'OI!'"

i think it's funny. don't you think so?

and the lead singer of pussycat dolls is so HAAWWWTT and PRRRRREEEEEEEEETTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! omg omg omg omg omg. her body is what i desire for and i shall achieve that kind of body before prom.

ok. bye.

2006-04-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY NADIA MAMA!

my darling mama and QUEEN. very caring and supportive. always having a positive mentality towards life. haha. she's always the one who would notice whenever i'm feeling down and would try to cheer me up. love her to bits. although i don't really show it but i really do love her alot alot alot. she's been giving me constant support and always lending me her listening ear. (: i love you mama! may all your dreams come true!! (: muahs!

i've always loved to dance but didn't dare to tell anyone about it. i don't know why. i'd always admire people dancing their lives away and seeing those smiles while they dance just makes me envy them even more. i wanted to join dance in secondary school but it started out when i was in sec 2 and i didn't have the courage to join it because i was feared that people would laugh at me for being a fat dancer. when i stepped into CJC, i told myself that i must join dance this time but again, my courage failed me. instead, i went ahead joining ODAC at first, quit then joined shooting, quit again and am now in SVDP. i don't know if i will join dance in uni.. i hope my courage won't fail me again.

ever woken up before feeling so.. i don't know. down? you wake up hoping that this day would be a happy day but it just doesn't seem to be? everything's going the other way and you feel as if you've lost control of your life?

i'm lethargic nowadays. i really am. i've lost all my energy.

last night, i was suddenly reminded of '2 months'. just 2 months.

2006-04-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

the past still haunts and it never seems to leave me. it seems like it'll never. mistakes made will always remain as scars and can never be healed. i can't forget nor let go. i can't seem to move on. i'm stuck at where i am. don't ask about faults. it has never existed. it's dealing with nothing but with the existential soul found in the inner body.

sooner or later,

this would end.

2006-04-05T05:07:00.000-07:00

omfg. there's so many things to be done and studied but it just seems that time doesn't want to cooperate with me. it gets irritating to the point where tension inside you is rising and you'll unknowingly vent it on others. this bloody year of A levels. i've had enough of my rants and i'm so going to get it done once and for all. studies is my everything now. nothing is more important than that. i'm frustrated and irritated with all my fucked up results. i don't wish to go through this period of frustration again.

i've put off ncc which was important to me just for my studies. now i understand the stand of some people who can't dedicate themselves to the corp anymore. it's a selfish decision but coming to think of it, it's my A levels that's going to decide my future not the corp. putting off ncc is kinda hard for me since that's the place where my passion towards the military grew but i'm a student living in a society which is paper-chase. although the education board has been placing emphasis on cca as well, but not much emphasis is placed on it as compared to the necessary degree to ensure your survival in the working world. grrr.. i don't like to be placed in such decisions but i don't really have a choice after seeing my grades.

it's bloody depressing.

i've been putting suhailah off for a very long time. and i feel bad. she understands my difficulty and has never rushed me into it. i know she's dying to go back to hq.. so suhailah, i'm really sorry! nowadays i don't have the time to go down to kc even. i'll definitely take out some time to carry out my promise yeah? but i can't promise when. sorry once again!

on the positive note, my baby and also my family have been constantly supporting me! (: it feels good. hahaha. especially baby who's been tolerating all my tantrums. muahs! i love you!! i'm suddenly happy now.

pointless entry. all my random thoughts.

byebye world!

2006-04-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

uncertainties

i'm really feeling scared.

but, i just can't get myself to do it.

screw a levels.

Pui.

2006-04-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

sometimes, or rather everytime, i'd think why is God so nice to me? giving me a boyfriend like him who loves me wholeheartedly. i can never ask for more. never.

the way he smiles when i smile gleefully over his presents bought for me.

the way he wipes my tears away when it trickles down hurting my cheeks.

the way he suffers in silence while i throw my tantrums at him.

the way he apologizes after a quarrel that is obviously my fault.

the way he plans surprises to brighten up my day.

the way he cries silently in one corner when i hurt him and never ask for an apology.

the way he protects me from the harms of the world.

the way he treats me like a princess and never gets sick of it.

the way he corrects me when i make a mistake.

the way he smiles like a small boy when i say 'i love you'.

the way he treasures the things that i give him.

the way he takes care of me when i fall sick.

the way he loves me.

there's so many things that he had done for me. not only did i not show my appreciation, i continued ranting and shouting at him whenever i'm in a foul mood. did he shout back? no he didn't. he changed and sacrificed so much for me but i was blind to all these changes. i didn't even realise that at times he was so hurt, he would curl up in one corner and cry but would never tell me for fear of making me upset. even though he's now in australia studying, our relationship was never affected, right up till now. i love him so much. baby, can you hear that?

I LOVE YOU

2006-03-31T08:19:00.000-08:00

ok. i've been on hiatus for a while.

so many things running through my mind all at once. 'twas kinda hard to find time to sort it out but today, i finally did. my parents, brother, ah ma and my aunt left for HK today while i stayed at home to rest and recover from my fever. for the whole day, i was just sitting down reflecting. trust me, it helps alot.

firstly, my studies is one huge worrying factor for me. this common test results scared the hell outta me and it successfully woke me up. i don't exactly have much time left. just a few more months before the major exam which decides my future. just 2 years ago, my parents, teachers and elders were spelling out and putting much emphasis on the importance of O levels to my friends and i. yet, by our mid-year exams, my class weren't showing the anxiety with about 70% failing overall. 'twas only AFTER prelims that we realised we didn't have any time to spare so midnight oils were burned continously and panda eyes became the 'in' thing for a while. pressure and stress were the 2 main topics coming out of our mouths, non-stop complaints and whines. now, looking back, O levels was NOTHING as compared to A levels.

NOTHING.

O levels was just a SMALL, TINY and PUNY obstacle that requires relatively more effort to push it as compared to PSLE. those stress and pressure levels are ONLY at the minimum. as for A levels, it's truly much harder to cope. learning a 2-year syllabus within a time span of about 13 months (excluding 1st 3 months, holidays, test periods etc) is.. i won't say impossible but very rushing. i compare the pace of O levels and A levels, it is a world of difference. the demands and requests are although hard to fulfill but it is a challenge which all JC students have to accept. going into JC will never be a bed of roses unless you're truly a genius. regurgitation is no more the fashion of exams. you not only have to apply it but you also have to write it in a way where your maturity and analytical skills are put into place (i'm an arts student. i don't really know about the science faculty). it is hard, i must say, and the competition faced during O levels and A levels is different. although A levels have a minimum requrement of only 3 subs and a maximuim requirement of 4 subs, but compare this 3 subs to 6 subs, the content that we have to learn is almost thrice of those content we learnt in O levels. and.. now, i'm truly feeling the anxiety and panic within me. mugging is a must. A levels seem to be the greatest nightmare to me... for NOW. i don't know about university life. perhaps i may be rambling all these nonsense yet again next year, but.. now, my life is destined by my A's results.

quite melodramatic ah.

secondly, it's about myself. whatever cass said, it is still ringing inside my head. i've thought about it and i realised that in actual fact, i've not yet shed the old skin of mine. i'm still pretty much living in my history world which is filled with melancholy and not the present. it's becoming more apparent to me that i find it hard to let go of the history. but obviously, i have to learn and i am.

pretty much for my ramblings. it's back to the A level world.

Damage - Forever

I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still forever

verse 1:
You are the sun, you are my light
And you're the last thing on my mind
Before I go to sleep at night
You're always 'round when I'm in need
When trouble's on my mind
You put my soul at ease
There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
So many reasons that I
Want to spend forever with you

Chorus:
I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still forever

verse 2:
We've had our fun, and we've made mistakes
But who'd have guessed along that road
We'd learn to give and take
It's so much more than I could have dreamed
You make loving you
So easy for me
There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
That is the reason that I
Want to share forever with you

Chorus

Bridge:
'Cus this is a world
Where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other
We won't go, won't go that way
So put your doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
'Cos I'll love you forever
No one can tear us apart

Chorus

I just want you to know that
I can't eat, I can't sleep
I can't breathe, whenever I'm without you
When we walk, I stand tall
When we talk, I only talk about you girl

(Repeat Chorus to fade)

waiting for you to come back! i miss you.

2006-03-28T02:40:00.000-08:00

ooh. yeah baby. (:

hahaha.

oh yeah.. here are SOME of the pictures i took on my ah gong's birthday with my cousins. i'll post the others later..

my little brother and me. yes he doesn't really like to take pictures. :(

my lovely family!

my cousins on the YOUNGER side.

ah yi and me. dragon babies! my closest cousin.

jennifer and me. the shorties. hahaha.

au xuan and i. she's freaking tall.

ah ting. ah xuan's cute younger sister. (:

fiona, me and joanna. both sisters. sweet looking hor?

ah ping, me and florence. yeah baby. there are alot of girls lah.

ah nard, me and ah xun. handsome guys ah.. haha. and yeah, they're up for grabs. single and available. (:

last but not least, my beloved ah gong. my mom's father. he's 80 years old!

ok that's all. i'm lazy to post any more photos.

A levels are nearing and it's scaring the hell out of me. first paper which is GP starts on 2/11/06 and my last paper is on 24/11/06. it's really time for me to start STUDYING ah!

ok. enough rantings. byebye. i shall be on hiatus every now and then. (: then again, nobody visits my blog so wth.

2006-03-27T00:43:00.000-08:00

ok. i think i have the coolest form teacher on earth man. imagine your form teacher reading your blog and tagging your board. hahaha. i know cass and freda were tagged by Novena. HAHAHAHA! boy oh boy. she reads her son's blog as well! i don't think my parents would even know about this blog of mine. LOL. yeah. mrs ho rocks!

my mind is in a complete whirlwind now. completely. dilemma.

and that stupid zilun didn't come to school again. idiot. nobody gave him the permission to take leave some more. -.-

2006-03-23T03:46:00.000-08:00

ok. as promised.. here are some of the photos of challenge quest. (:

my cadet and i getting ready to bike!

yeah.. hahaha. pushing my bike to the starting point. tension.

starting point babehs (as quoted by drea)! hahaha

woohoo!

the running event that my kc cadets, manjusri cadets and saint andrew's cadets took part in. my cadet almost reaching the ending point.

ok lah. i know we're supposed to run with our cadets but then since lta zul gave the bike up for iffah and me, we can't possibly reject right? so we just rode on the bike and cheering our cadets on. hahahaha. i must say, iffah is strong.

EAST HAS WON AGAIN!

AND AGAIN!

AND AGAIN! ok lah. just know that east district has won the challenge quest trophy 3 times ok?

this is just a small number of the east district clts.

see the whole group standing? yes. ALL of them are east district clts. but they are just a 1/5 of the whole population of east clts? so yeah.

this is about 1/4 of the whole of east clts. can you just imagine how big the population of east district is? and.. can you imagine the population of NCC?

the following are just random pictures.

i just love whacking sukhbir. and yes, i was really whacking him.

kaiqi and i squashed in the locker! if there's not enough beds for the 2 of us, it's ok. (: it's pretty comfy inside as well.. only that it's kinda stuffy.

ok. that's all folks. back to studying.

laters.

i miss him.

2006-03-20T06:16:00.000-08:00

ok. it's really high time for me to start studying. my CA results are scaring the hell out of me and it's a damn bloody hell GOOD wakeup call for me. i don't wish to see those kinda marks on my results slip next year. today is the start of term 2 and it is also the start of my mugging-ness. being able to be admitted into the university and course that i want is my aim and goal. don't care how nerdy i may sound but my future is super important to me. i've been slacking too much and it's time to start studying. my results are getting from bad to worse which is not good at all considering the fact i'm already in year 2. shall place more focus on my studies.

my life and future depends on this year's exams.

wtf. super emo. -.-"'

and anyway.. this is a little snippet of a conversation between zilun and me. super dumb.

zlqf - yawns said:
where gt smart taitai one

zlqf - yawns said:
all taitais r dumb

enyahs` hedonistic. that's me. said:
you idiot

enyahs` hedonistic. that's me. said:
you trying to tell me that taitais in the past are bimbos ah?

zlqf - yawns says:
i will juz simplify fer u

zlqf - yawns says:
grace + joel = married

zlqf - yawns says:
joel + saf = rich

zlqf - yawns says:
grace + joel + saf = taitai-hood

zlqf - yawns says:
taitai-hood = dumb

zlqf - yawns says:
grace = taitai-hood = dumb

zlqf - yawns says:
=D

enyahs` hedonistic. that's me. says:
you stupid sickening idiot. you think you very smart ah?

zlqf - yawns says:
im nt smart

zlqf - yawns says:
im juz abit smarter den u

zlqf - yawns says:
ahhahhas

enyahs` hedonistic. that's me. says:
-.-"

stupid dumbass. ok back to studying.

2006-03-19T05:46:00.000-08:00

nothing much to blog today except that i was pia-ing homework for the whole day and managed to complete it! (: now, i'm proud of myself.

ok. so anywaysss.. my darling sue did some masterpieces and i'm here to share it! it's very kaleidoscope-ish and... it is beautiful!! ok enjoy. :D

joel as a baby.

grace as a baby.

grace!

joel!

grace again! hahaha.

... and again! my face is oh so lovable. hahahahahahhahahaha.

our eyes!! cool shite.

concentrate on the heart please. yes. thankyouverymuch. the heart is beautiful.

sue darling and me!

and again!

nice right?!

and anyway.. i miss him tons!

2006-03-18T18:42:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, MY DEAREST ANDREA BABY!

blur queen! haha. you're finally 18. a very happy birthday to you on this special day of yours. my long lost primary school friend. right up till now, i can't believe i found you. we started our primary education together, lost contact throughout our secondary education and now, we're ending our tertiary education together once again. God's will? i guess so. the friendship we forged since primary school was never forgotten. your warmth, strength and confidence won my admiration and i must say that you're a mature thinker as well. those days where you listened to my woes and giving me solutions really touched my heart. your shoulders are always there for me to lean on whenever i needed one to cry on. QUEENs will always be in my heart. i love you my darling girl! muahs!

i received an email from sue about enhancing relationships. i think it's kinda nice! (:

TRUST

trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.

She answered, "Public Utilities Board."

There was silence.

She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer.

When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"

The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too.

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one."

The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please."

"Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need a television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses.

The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much.

People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage.

Actually, this is not the case.

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change.

Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me.Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.

A couple bought a donkey from the market.

On the way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey.

He walked besides them.

Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.

Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

how complicating can love be eh? simplicity is true bliss.

he just woke up. hahaha. and i miss my baby!

2006-03-18T04:36:00.001-08:00

"we are the champions my friends. and we'll keep on fighting till the end (dang dang dang) we are the champions! we are the champions! no time for losers cause we are the champions of the world!"

EAST has won the championship once AGAIN!

NCC challenge quest held yesterday at HQNCC left quite a number of people, including me, sunburnt and alot of people with bad sore throats especially the CLTs. hahaha. special thanks to our part a cadets, kc's cadets, saint andrew's cadets and manjusri's cadets who pushed their limits and did their best in the respective events. i'm especially proud of my school, kc! only 12 cadets came in the morning, but because of the lack of manpower, xiao wei and i tried to call down some more of our girls and they rushed to HQ! with the fact that all my girls are residing in the east, they willingly rushed down to HQ just to give support and to render their help in however they can. i'm so proud of them and their commitment. commendable effort!!

the morning events were paintball, rockwall and biking. archery, MOC and team run were the afternoon events. just by the morning events alone, we were already ahead of all the other districts by 60 mins. yeah baby! hahaha. rockwall was the best morning event. with a record breaking time of 1 min 59 seconds, it left many people wide-jawed. even us, the east district people. we topped events like paintball, rockwall and also archery-cum-MOC thus pushing us to the 1st place. for the last event, team run, east clts can be seen cheering like some crazy monkeys for our younger cadets who were running as if they were been chased by dogs. the last team that ran was east district team 2. commandant gave approval for us clts to run with our cadets just as long as we don't push or pace them so.. with a bunch of monkey clts, we ran with our cadets encouraging them the whole way through all the way till we reach the end point. my kc girls never fail to do us proud. although they were tired halfway through the run, with constant support and determination, they pushed themselves and sprinted all the way to the end point. but of course, our heros from saint andrews and manjusri also helped by pacing with my girls. awww.. such heros. hahahahaha. teamwork can be seen very visibly by how the clts cheer the cadets on and how the cadets push one another and also themselves. once i get hold of pictures, i'll post them up. so wait for it! haha

east district rocks!

nevertheless, all the other districts were good too. central district team 1 for team run was super fast. timing was 7 mins 26 secs. my gawd, those girls from cedar are really impressive.

NCC, my love. :)))))))))))))))

loving and missing him! muahs!

2006-03-16T06:49:00.000-08:00

we were bored which resulted in us doing quizzes like this one below. these are the results for our working style.

Joel:

You use your thinking to run as much of the world as may be yours to run. You like to organize projects and then act to get things done. Reliance on thinking makes you logical, analytical, objectively critical, and not likely to be convinced by anything but reasoning. You tend to focus on the job, not the people behind the job.You like to organize facts, situations, and operations related to a project, and make a systematic effort to reach their objectives on schedule. You have little patience with confusion or inefficiency, and can be tough when the situation calls for toughness.

You think conduct should be ruled by logic, and govern their own behavior accordingly. You live by a definite set of rules that embody your basic judgments about the world. Any change in your ways requires a deliberate change in your rules.You are more interest in seeing present realities than future possibilities. This makes you matter-of-fact, practical, realistic, and concerned with the here-and-now. You use past experience to help you solve problems and want to be sure that ideas, plans, and decisions are based on solid fact.

You like jobs where the results of your work are immediate, visible, and tangible. You have a natural bent for business, industry, production, and construction. You enjoy administration, where you can set goals, make decisions, and give the necessary orders. Getting things done is your strong suit.You run the risk of deciding too quickly before you have fully exanimate the situation. You need to stop and listen to the other person's viewpoint, especially with people who are not in a position to talk back. This is seldom easy for you, but if you do not take time to understand, you may judge too quickly, without facts or enough regard for what other people think or feel.

You may need to work at taking feeling values into account. You may rely on much on your logical approach that you overlook feeling values-- what you care about and what other people care about. If feeling values are ignored too much, you may build up pressure and find expression in inappropriate ways. Although you are naturally good at seeing what is illogical and inconsistent, you may need to develop the art of appreciation. One positive way to exercise your feeling is to appreciate other people's merits and ideas.

Grace:
You radiate sympathy and fellowship. You concern yourself chiefly with the people around you and place a high value on harmonious human contacts. You are friendly, tactful, and sympathetic. You are persevering, conscientious and orderly even in small matters, and inclined to expect others to be the same. You are particularly warmed by approval and sensitive to indifference. Much of your pleasure and satisfaction comes from the warmth of feeling of people around you. You tend to concentrate on the admirable qualities of other people and are loyal to respected persons, institutions, or causes, sometimes to the point of idealizing whatever you admire.

You have the gift of finding value in other people's opinions. Even when these opinions are in conflict, you have faith that harmony can somehow be achieved and you often manage to bring it about. To achieve harmony, you are ready to agree with other's opinions within reasonable limits. You need to be careful however, that you don't concentrate so much on the viewpoints of others that you lose site of your own.

You are mainly interested in the realities perceived by your five senses, so you become practical, realistic, and down-to-earth. You take great interest in the unique differences in each experience. You appreciate and enjoy your possessions. You enjoy variety but can adapt well to routine.

You are in your best in jobs that deal with people and in situations where cooperation can be brought about through good will. You are found in jobs such as teaching, preaching, and selling. Your compassion and awareness of physical conditions often attracts you to health professions, where you can provide warmth, comfort, and patient caring. You are less likely to be happy in work demanding mastery of abstract ideas or impersonal analysis. You think best when talking with people, and enjoy communicating. You have to make a special effort to be brief and businesslike and not let sociability slow you down on the job.

You like to base your plans and decisions upon known facts and on your personal values. While liking to have matters decided or settled, you do not necessarily want to make all the decisions yourself. You run some risk of jumping to conclusions before you understand the situations. If you have not taken time to gain first-hand knowledge about a person or situation, your actions may not have the helpful results you intended. For example, in the beginning of a new project or job, you may do things you assume should be done, instead of taking the time to find out what is really wanted or needed. You have many definite "shoulds" and "should nots," and may express these freely.

You find it is especially hard to admit the truth about problems with people or things you care about. If you fail to face disagreeable facts, or refuse to look at criticism that hurts, you will try to ignore your problems instead of searching for solutions.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test47.aspx

pretty interesting answers because they are accurate for both of our working styles. please understand our level of boredom. hahaha.

i miss him totally. muah!

2006-03-15T04:05:00.000-08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

it's so freaking true.

2006-03-15T03:12:00.000-08:00

i don't wish to believe that wounds would turn into scars but it is the reality. unhappiness can never seem to leave anyone. waking up in the middle of the night only to realise that it is your own tears hurting so badly. those tears that trickle down your cheeks which eventually land on your hands are images of unhappiness and anger. look at those tears. as transparent they may be to others, they are filled with sadness and troubles. most people go through this. everybody would say that nobody understands them but that is because nobody even understands themselves.

other people choose to have a sanguine attitude towards life. so are these people in denial or is life really very cheerful and happy? so many different perspectives can be seen about life but is there a right one? is there a wrong one? scars will always remain as scars. why must this be so? why must unhappiness always remain in one's body? you can never use past tense whenever you talk about your unhappiness because your scars are present. i hate my scars. i can never get rid of them. and it is these scars that cause me to despise my previous old self. carving these unhappiness onto my body allowing me to remember them in the future. now, after scraping off that old self of mine, i am going to emerge as a new self but the old me.

i am going to be who i am when i was brought to the world. innocence is a pure virtue. not allowing experiences of life to pollute your mind, i'm going to be who i am when i was a baby. difficult it may be but it's not impossible. leading the life of who you were when you were only 20 cm is the best life one can ever lead.

I am grace yeo. She was her clone who will never exist again.

2006-03-13T00:47:00.000-08:00

was supposed to be down at charmaine's house to play mahjong but i was too lazy to move my ass. and now, i'm feeling damn bad cause i pangseh her once again. -i'm sorry charmaine :(-

anyway, i'm in love with pointys now. or rather, i've been in love with it since last year but right up till now, i still don't own one. why whY wHY WHY?! i don't know why. BUT.. i shall be on a quest to find and buy pointys. i hope. i need more clothes as well. haha. i haven't yet get the chance to shop for his things but i will, soon. this whole idea of revamping his wardrobe sounds like an exciting. after buying clothes for him, i shall just go to his house and dump it in his wardrobe. heh. =D that sounds fun. i need to get tanner too. i know i've been saying that for like the 10000th time but i just can't find anyone to go with me! grrrr. ehh.. maybe my cousins are free.. hmmm.

i've to return angel's book soon and her shirt as well. i kinda miss her. and joel. joel and angel are siblings lah. angel = joel's older sis = my older sis = my sis-in-law (soon to be) = my good friend = i don't know already.

i shall stop my random-ness now.

i miss him totally.

2006-03-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

my cousin pestered me at unearthly hours to ask about the movie outing today. she called my phone then my house then msged me. HOW CAN I NOT BE AWAKE?! it was only 9.49 am. damn. but whatevers, she's my cousin. so.. there should not be any anger. hahaha. went to church then waited for my bro to come home and went out for movie with my two lil cousins! watched shaggy dog then went on to buy earrings. you know.. girls. and my poor bro had to follow us all around. hahaha. so.. here i am now blogging and waiting for baby to stop gaming. (=

since i'm so bored, i shall attempt this.. questionnaire.

Three Names you go by:
1. grace
2. ice queen
3. baby (hahahahahaha)

Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. pretty bad eyesight.
2. exercising the importance of integrity. (heh)
3. to be slim. hahaha. i don't know if you consider that as a heritage.

Three Things That Scare You:
1. being misunderstood.
2. ending this relationship.
3. being left alone in this world.

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. him and family.
2. friends.
3. handphone.

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. shirt.
2. skirt.
3. why am i answering this shit question?

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love):
1. trust.
2. commitment.
3. a loyal friendship.

Two Truths and a Lie (in any order)
1. i am in love with him totally.
2. i scored straight As for my promos.
3. i'm short.

Three PHYSICAL Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You:
1. tanned and hot bod.
2. eyes.
3. i don't know lah. idiotic question.

Three Places You Want to go:
1. south africa.
2. australia, melbourne. i want to go there NOW.
3. cape town.

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. start a family.
2. see my children get married.
3. i don't know what the shit. so stop asking.

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a Girl/Guy:
1. i have relatively long hair.
2. i wear skirts most of the time.
3. i'm very girly which can make me turn out to be a bloody bimbo. shoot me please.

no i was kidding.

i shall complete my holiday homework soon. and ohh.. i was reading 'where you belong' by barbara taylor bradford for the past 2 days. it's simply.. romantic and a book which you can never ever forget its contents. it's a beautiful book. go read it if you can!! (=

laters. i miss him.

2006-03-11T00:20:00.000-08:00

i was reading my past few blog entries and i realised how horribly written they were. the sentence structure, grammar and whatever.. everything's just bad and horrible. but.. this i my blog so i shall just blog as i like. -tsk-

many things happened for the past 3 days. attended rockafellaskank last night. went down to hq this morning to solve some problems with the program and also, catch up with my ncc friends. heh. alot of things lah. lazy to go into details.

today is the first day of the march school holidays in which, as usual, it does not feel like a holiday because of those mounting homework and the countless lectures that needs to be touched by my hands and read by my eyes and absorbed by my brain. -.- bloody 1 week holiday. like it would help alot to us, students. HUR HUR.

this whole week is packed with quite a number of things and events. i need to have good time management which i have never succeded in doing that before, so this year, being a crucial year as it is and supposed to be, i shall revamp my time-table and be discipline to follow it. yes. :) now let's clap for grace for her new and determined mentality towards her studies. -applause-

siao.

ok lah. i shall go watch tv now. -hmmmm-

laters.

2006-03-08T04:47:00.000-08:00

cass down with fever, flu, sore throat etc. and had 3 days mc! haha. quite poor thing lah.. her voice sounded so different the other time we called her in school. anyway, she'll be coming back to school tmr. FINALLY! hahaha. kinda miss her lah. today, only nadia and me went to school. boring. not much excitement. just stoned during tutorials and lectures.

i'm changing and i want to for the benefit of myself and others around me. all i wish for is for those people around me to give me the support and encouragement. hate people lying to me even for minor reasons and then showing me attitude as if it's my fault. effed up. i can tolerate those attitudes since i'm one with attitude too (haha) but don't show me bloody attitudes when i didn't offend you instead it's the other way round. but... i'll tolerate. and i shall see the good points instead of highlighting the bad points. so yes.. -breathes in and out-

anyway, it's time for me to shed some pounds. my stomach is becoming flabbier (if there's such a word). it's wobbly. once you hit it, you can see the movement of the ripples. heh. it's time to tone up and eat less.

and i'm starting to like alot of songs now. thanks to cassandra, gabriel and zilun. haha.

i'm missing him like crazy.

2006-03-06T04:45:00.000-08:00

for yesterday, because i didn't had a life so there was completely nothing to blog about. i sound like some no-lifer. goodness, i take pity on myself. wth lah.

anyway, on to today.. eventful day. hahaha. let's start from what happened in the morning.

picked nadia then went to school. reached school, settle down then andrea arrived and started telling us about how she spent her weekends. bell rang, and because today was monday, we had to wear a tie. that andrea was frantically searching for her tie all the way until the 2nd bell rang. we were late for assembly. because we arrived late at the quadrangle for assembly, we had to go for detention which would only start at 5 and end at 7. nicely, our school's dismassal today was ONE O'CLOCK. we can successfully rot and literally become decomposed bodies that would be so unrecognisable for the 4 HOURS. hahaha. but it was funny lah. anyhow, we didn't mind that we had to go for detention but we just found the whole thing amusing.

then during PE, we were supposed to run 2 rounds around the track but since our legs felt like some elephant legs and running on the tracks would have made the tracks tremble and cause Singapore to have an UNpredictable earthquake, we decided to walk. :D while walking and obviously talking, nadia saw a cat jumping around struggling trying to get out of the soccer net which had entangled it. by the looks of the knot, SOMEBODY TIED THE CAT TO THE NET. wth?! bloody sadist. the cat was like panting and panicking at the same time. have you ever seen a cat stick its tongue out to breathe?! well, apparently, the cat did and it shows how dehydrated and suffocated the poor cat was. so yeah, the soccer teacher ran over and he agreed to cut the net. hahaha. then the ODAC teacher came and finally freed the cat! :D (ok i sounded like some childish kid but whatever. it's a nice feeling ok you stupid dumbass.)

school ended at 12.45 today cause our econs lecturer had nothing to lecture by 12.45 so he let us off. hahahahaha. nadia and i rushed off to watch 'Big momma's house 2' at shaw. damn funny. and yes.. i had this utterly bimbotic reply to nadia through this conversation. my gawd!

the conversation at subway.

nadia: "what you want?"
me: "chicken teriyaki lo"
nadia: "bread?"
me: "honey oat."
nadia: "you want the bread toasted?"
me: "yeah babe"

(silence for a while as nadia was ordering. then.. )

me: "eh! shit! forgot to tell her to melt the cheese too!"
nadia: .___.
nadia: "if your bread is toasted, how can your cheese not melt?!"

shit. i feel like a total bimbo.

return my brains to me. which i do have. thankyouverymuch.

2006-03-04T05:43:00.000-08:00

i want to be tall.

i want to be slim.

i want to be fit.

i want to be pretty.

i want my long hair back suddenly.

2006-03-03T07:12:00.000-08:00

was just browsing through my photos and i saw a few pictures baby and i took in bangkok. as in some sceneries lah, if you call them scenaries. it's taken at Shangri-La (Bangkok) by the poolside. (:

i love the sky colour. it's so.. indescribable.

nice photos? i think they are beautiful. ok lah. i'm not so much of a photography person or an arts person to really understand the beauty but i just think they're nice in my opinion. (:

and my dream wedding dress... hahahahhaha!

taken at Siam shopping center in Bangkok. the place is very similar to Takashimaya, Paragon etc but 10 times bigger, literally. it's REALLY REALLY huge that you WILL get lost. i'm NOT exaggerating.

the back view of it..

NICE RIGHT?! IT'S FREAKING NICE I TELL YOU! ok lah. you can't really see the sequins and all because it's dark and there's no spotlight on it but it's really SUPER nice.

in the hotel room. my parents and his parents talking while we were busy snapping pictures away and see that small cute lil head popping out from the right? yeah. that's my lil brother. haha.

us in the bangkok MRT (don't know what do they call it there)

ok. that's all. i'm tired.

nights world.

2006-03-03T06:12:00.000-08:00

my econs test yesterday was a... i shall not comment. today, my geog test was a... i shall not even bother to comment. so yes, you can imagine my grades. :D

i have to get tanner. my tanline is so freaking uneven and i can't stand it. i'm beginning to look more like a ghost with my balding hair and pale face. don't i just look like a ghost after the description of myself? so yes. i need a tan to show that i'm human because i can face the sun. i'm not criticizing albinos here neither am i saying that they are ghosts. don't you dare put words into my mouth or i'll fart in your face, you bloody kuttu dodo bird. i was rambling on and on just now to baby about how much i need a tan that i was irritated with myself. what the hell is wrong with me engaging in monologues? goodness, i'm beginning to show signs and symptoms of Mary Tyrone with the fluttering of hands and "oh, i can't find my glasses!". only people doing literature in CJC will understand what i'm talking about. so if you want enlightenment, you know who to approach. heh. =)

i have been binging for the past few days for i don't know whatever reason. just felt the need to eat to ensure my existence on this earth and every single time i'm done with my adventures on binging, i'll feel that i'm fat and i need to lose weight. then the next day, i'll carry on my binging adventures again. somebody shoot me now. my mentality is haywired and distorted as you can see while reading this entry of mine.

so.. if you understand what i'm talking about, your mind is haywired and distorted but if you don't understand what i'm talking about, then it's time for you to haywire and distort your little minds.

still don't get what i'm talking about? never mind. cause now i don't know what i'm talking about.

this conversation took place last sunday at my youngest uncle's house during our weekly family gathering. the moms sat down and talked about their children about how cute they were when they were babies (of course, i was the cutest. don't you dare argue or i'll fart in your face. i have enough gas in my body to waste. :D).

2nd aunty:"sirui (my 2nd aunty's younger daughter), last time ah when baby dat time, sOOOOOOOOO cute AHH! aiyoh! eye BIG BIG, cheek FAT FAT, mouth SMALL SMALL, nose so SMALL!"

sirui (shocked, literally, and in a soft fearful voice): "ma, you make me sound so scary..."

.____.

2006-03-01T01:54:00.000-08:00

had lit papers in the morning. then again, as usual, i didn't have enough time to complete my essays. only wrote 2 1/4 pages for TGM and only 2 3/4 pages for LDJ. i only had 2 damn hours to complete lah.. rahh! -whatever- anyway, my prac crit was horrible. i stared at the poems and it just stared back at me. one was about love and life and those melodramatic things while the other one was about animals (pigs). -.- please see and notice the extreme ends. so i just sat in front of the paper staring at those 2 poems for 5 antagonizing minutes wondering which bloody question to attack and i chose the latter one about animals. for that whole 85 mins left, i don't know what the hell was wrong with my hand but it just wrote and wrote like as if IT had so much things to talk about the poems. .___.

headed down to the canteen for lunch and we were only halfway through our lunch that we heard the announcement which told all year 2 students to proceed to the PAC for the release of results. i tell you, we had our 30 seconds of fame. we entered into the PAC late cause of some reasons and so, because we were late, we tried to go in by the 2nd level door which was sickeningly lock so nvm, we had to go to the 1st level. obviously, we wouldn't dare to go in when the principal was talking so when the whole school was clapping about the results, we took this opportunity and hurried in. our class was all the was to the other end and so we had to climb up this flight of stairs all the way up and walk to the other end of the PAC. for a while, i was wondering when the hell did PAC extend itself?! our principal obviously caught our act and told us to go ALL THE WAY DOWN. can you imagine that paiseh-ness?! we walked ALL THE WAY DOWN from the top end to the lowest end. yes, the PAC was that big at that point of time. all eyes staring at the 4 of us. SHITE! 30 SECONDS OF FAME BECAUSE WE WERE LATE! rahhh!! .___."'

the release of result slips was in the... CANTEEN. the stupid place we departured from to the place where we received our fame. so anyway, got back my chinese results. although not to my expectations but i'm glad that i've cleared one obstacle.

anyway, i suddenly fell in love with a song by christina aguilera "the voice within". the lyrics are beautiful :

"the voice within"

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Chorus:
When there's no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul

Chorus

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you’re learning
You'll find all you’ll ever need to know
(be strong)
You'll break it
(hold on)
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can't do
No one can stop you, you know that I'm talking to you

Chorus

Young girl don't cry I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

2006-02-28T06:12:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY GABRIEL and ZILUN!!

literature.literature.literature.literature.literature.

goodness me.. i'm so dead. i've not yet finished "glass menagerie" and it's now 10.12 pm. i need sleep lah. shite. 4 freaking hours of lit. 8.30 am-12.30 pm. oh my.. save my ass and paper.

2006-02-27T03:07:00.000-08:00

i wanna wish 2 people happy birthday TODAY :

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY RACHEL POOTIES! and HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY ROY BOY!

rach babe/bung whatever. haha. you're FINALLY 18 so please do act like an 18 year old. =) my best friend since 2003. 4 years have passed by so quickly. i still remember those times in our sec school days, we would talk about anything under the sun, go to each other's houses and turn it upside down, poking fun of each other, laughing at each other and lending a listening ear. the promises we made as we were about to leave our alma mater will never be forgotten. you've never failed to be there for me and always listening to my woes. i love you to the max! i wish you all the best in your relationship with aud too. (: xxoo

went for lunch with my girls again. laughed over stupid things and i really enjoyed such moments. amidst those pressure and stress, i will always have these girls to inject joy into my life. -i miss sally too!- this friendship of ours, i doubt, will ever be forgotten. in my heart, all of you will forever be QUEENS.

and, argh.. i miss him. ok what's new?

2006-02-26T06:41:00.000-08:00

i was thinking about what my gp teacher told my class some time back. she said,"what is given to us is now a luxury." how true is that? very.

how often do we wake up early to see the sunrise with our partners? how often do we stop and admire the flowers? how often do we engage in sweet talks with our partners? how often do we actually sit down and reflect about our lives? how often do we rest amidst our hectic schedules? very often? you gotta be kidding. with the advancements of technology, our lives have become fast-paced. we have to squeeze out time just to rest and catch up with the happenings happening around the world. -sighs-

i haven't had breakfast with him since God knows when. i wish to watch sunrise with him one day. i miss his hugs and shoulders. totally.

anyway, i decided to do up a list on my ideal husband: (i know it's random. above contents are so melancholic and now, here i am being so excited doing up this list. goodness, i'm truly random.)

1) must love me.
2) one who loves kids and also a family man.
3) family must always be the first priority.
4) filial to his parents and mine.
5) not a smoker.
6) not a womanizer. (no mistress at all!)
7) not a drug addict.
8) no tattoos at all.
9) no long hair and piercings.
10) know the difference between possession and protection clearly.
11) must be a good cook.
12) earn enough to lead a good life. (hopefully 5 figure lah huh.. haha)
13) must accompany me on every shopping trips i make.
14) watch shows with me and hug me when i cry.
15) good in pampering me.
16) know how to do household chores very well. (not a himbo)
17) first car must be a coupe. (preferably soft top convertible. whee! hahaha!)
18) cannot be scared of insects. (=
19) must be adventurous and an outdoor person.
20) no himbos please. thankyouverymuch.
21) romantic and sweet.
22) paint the house together if we have the chance. (:
23) grand wedding. (die-die)
24) able to make me smile and laugh even when i'm super down.
25) initiative in everything. don't wait for hints.
26) remember important dates. eg, anniversary, birthday etc.
27) know my friends and treat them right.
28) introduce me to his friends too.
29) informing me of his whereabouts. generally lah ok.
30) know me inside out, outside in.
31) sense of pride and must exude confidence.
32) know how to dress.
33) plan surprises sometimes. (nice feeling wad.)
34) engage in deep conversations every now and then with me.
35) support me when i fall.
36) take care of me when i fall ill.
37) discuss with me before making important decisions.
38) cannot be a boring person at all.
39) listen to my woes with patience.
40) to be my pillar of support.

i'm sure my baby can fulfill all those mentioned above. (: he managed to fulfill about 30+ of them? i'm so proud of him.

i love you baby!

2006-02-24T23:31:00.000-08:00

firstly, i want to say..

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY SUHAILAH DARLING!
a new chapter has just begun yet again. alot of things are awaiting out there in the world for you to learn and experience. you always lead your life with full drive and optimism, my inspiration i must say though i've never told you before. you've taken care of me in USA and even back here, in our homeland, Singapore. you're not only my friend but also my guardian angel who always takes care of me in camps etc. what more can i ask from a friend like you? you must be God-sent and i'm truly sorry for neglecting you at times. you keep giving but yet i didn't reciprocate. you didn't blame me at all instead you gave me more concern. i'm touched for the things that you've done and once again, i love you my dear girl! whatever in life, do look and face it with your courage. your sheer determination is not something that can be easily wavered. may all your dreams come true! MUAHS! (:

this story is one that i wish to share:

one day, an elementary school teacher walked into her form class and drew a black dot on the whiteboard which was completely clean. she then asked, "now, boys and girls, what do you see on the whiteboard?" "a black dot!" the children replied with much zest and so proud that they could see that tiny black dot. instead of praising them, the teacher looked disappointed. puzzled, the children asked, "teacher, why do you look so sad?" the teacher then said, "the black dot is so small but yet, why must you try so hard to notice that black dot instead of concentrating on something obvious which is the whiteboard?"

in our lives, how often do we look upon somebody else's good point without trying to find out his/her bad point? even if it is barely noticeable, we would still try our very best to find that almost un-noticeable bad character trait. but what about the obvious good traits? no matter how obvious it is, it would be oblivious in our eyes.

the past few days had been an emotional turbulence for me. sounds funny but yeah, i went through that. don't know what the cause is (or was) though but no point dwelling on it. my group of friends, Andrea, Cassandra and Nadia were the "victims" of my anger. i vented it out on them but not only did they not neglect me, but they actually carried on helping me. i was touched by what nadia said to me, "being friends we already accept you for who you are, but we'll always support you if you want to better yourself. love ya!"

they chose to look at the good points and accept the bad points. that's what i love about them. (:

p.s: thanks zilun. you did manage to cheer me up too.

he flew off just a few hours ago. woke up at 4.15 am and my dad kindly offered to drive me there! :D reached the airport at 4.40 am to send him off. although this is not the first time he's flying off but everytime i see the image of his back, i'd be crying inside. then again, everything is for our future. (: my eyes were opened to alot of things just within a time span of 24 hours. i understood and learnt more things about the both of us.

baby: since you've been gone, i was thinking about whatever you said. true enough, we have different perspectives towards this relationship and it clashes. but, i guess it's time for me to move towards your perspective as we mature and walk down this journey together. you're right to say that i've still got alot to learn especially in this relationship. i'm still young and i'm only exposed to BGR but not a strong and steady relationship almost similar to marriage, you're right. as it is now, you're playing alot of roles to me: my father, my older brother, my confidante, my mentor and my boyfriend. i won't be surprised that you're tired. it is exhaustive to play so many different roles at one time. i was too blind to notice such things. i promise you that i'll always be your pillar of support when you fall and forever be the one here to love you!

i love you always baby! muahs!

2006-02-23T00:54:00.000-08:00

i'm back. CTs are coming but whatever it is, i've been on a real long hiatus so it's time to be back in action. -lameness- but whatever. alot of things happened for the past.. err.. you do the maths. those negativity plus optimism plus happiness plus sadness plus etc. as you can see, there is irony but who cares? he'll be flying off in 2 days? so yeah..

mixed emotions all inside me now. screaming at myself all the time inside. nobody can hear these screams except for me so no point asking me why am i screaming. there's a reason for everything but not every reason needs to be explained and accounted for.

rahh.

this is such a random entry. oh goodness..

2006-01-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

watched Memoirs of a Geisha yesterday. -thank you baby- (: nice show but missed the beginning because we were eating lunch-tea-dinner. whatever. haha. it was funny lah.

we've been together for 13 months. not a very long time but we did go through some stuggles. through these struggles, both of us managed to evolve into better individuals and a more loving pair. all the things that you've done for me touched my heart in every way. the way you looked at me. the way you smile when you see me smile. the way you hug me when i was down. the way you laugh at me when i do stupid things. the way you kiss my tears away when i cried. the way you protected me when i got bullied. the way you surprised me every now and then. the way you tolerated my unreasonable tantrums. the way you love me.

God must have thought of me when he made you and thank God i found you. (:

chinese new year's eve today. heh. can't wait to collect those angpaos. $.$ haha. wearing new clothes and whatsoever. i suddenly feel like a kid all over again. stuffing myself with bak kua and those CNY goodies. better work out to avoid those kgs. sadly i can't spend CNY with baby's family this year cause have to go to malaysia to visit my mom's family. anyhow, it's a JOYOUS occasion!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR'S EVE!

1 more day to CNY. -countdown-

i love you baby!

2006-01-23T04:19:00.000-08:00

i finally have photos to upload. hahaha. well, you know.. girls fancy shopping or rather WINDOW shopping. the desire to try on clothes and take photos of it makes the whole shopping trip worthwhile although we're not buying the clothes. what's new? also.. i have to add that since we're taking A's this year, there are at times whereby we'll go crazy or bonkers because of the books.. sighs. AND! we love our class alot so yeah.. we'll just start posing and posing and posing till the cows come home. (we stayed back to do the class board lah.. that's the real reason why we were taking photos in class. -.-)

ANYWAYssssss............ here are the photos.

school is tiring baby. look what school did to my poor soul. sighs. i pity myself.

i can't help it. need to lie down and rest. tired. exhausted. poor lil me.

nadia being the pervert she has always been finds my thighs sexy and wants to see more. she's a pervert man. i have EVIDENCE!! LOOK! i'm totally disappointed in you nadia. -shakes head-

but.. i still love her!! -ALL SMILES-

finally reached town. look at how tired i was. i even had to use the cup to support my head!

ok. so i couldn't help it. i slept.. zzZzZZzZzzzZzZzZZ

because the others are super hyper KIDS, they made me the PHOTOGRAPHER of the DAY as they don't want to see me SLEEPING. a bunch of MORONS! haha.

after eating and taking stupid pictures, we made our way down to Tangs to try on clothes just for fun's sake. (: i love them to bits.

yes. look at her cass's retarded and spastic face. we or rather THEY started taking pictures of themselves changing in the changing room. how spastic eh? hahaha.

so.. being the upright person i've always been, i looked DOWN while they were changing because i do not wish to get nightmares at all.

however, i succumbed to that tempation of wanting to take pictures. (heow lah. hokkien for vain.) see that small head sticking out of nowhere? yeah. that's me. that's how random i can be. at times.

look at our faces. tired hor? please welcome the professional stoners. (: or otherwise known as QUEENS.

ok. enough of window shopping. back to class people.. cmon now. SCHOOL.

the things that i do in class. talking to my baby. i know i look fierce lah but i'm not fierce at all. just that i was looking at this ant crawling around and have the thought of torturing it. -evil laughter- MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

look at how tall i am man! i can reach the top of the whiteboard. HAH! don't look down on me. at least i've GROWN.

..... or maybe not. -.-

to prove that i'm a good student who studies. there. look at this picture. i'm sitting in the FRONT ROW! and i'm doing my homework together with zihong. how guai can we be?

close up view! i'm not lying man. heh. i'm proud of myself. (:

we finally got down to business and that is to do the class board. i'm not part of the commitee lah but since i'm a good student, i volunteered my service. again, i have something to be proud of. (:

...again another photo. my armpit wasn't smelly at all. so yes.

cass, being the nice person she has always been (PUI!), fanned cheryl and nadia while they were hardworking-ly doing the board and cass is slacking away by just fanning them. -.- cass cass..

but then, at some point of time.. signs of insanity and bonkers-ness started to appear.. cheryl? and her plastic bag? okay. rightt.

... cheryl is officially known as a crazy woman in my context. i don't know who is she showing that peace sign to.

from doing the class board to singing.. i guess it's true that singing is a GOOD STRESS RELIEVER. so guys, try it one day yeah? but don't go crazy like how nadia and cheryl did. just keep your voices in the audible range and make sure it's not noise.

errr, i can't say anything much about cheryl already since she's already deemed as a crazy woman but for cass... she's beginning to show signs of insanity too. no wonder her blog.....

...now, another person has made it to my 'crazy person' list. please introduce NADIA TAY BAO SHAN. -claps, cheers, BOOs!- (:

because of these crazy people in class, roy and zihong just have to pretend that they didn't see anything or else....

...see what i mean by crazy?... they will haunt roy and zihong like THAT.

...sighs. i pity zihong and roy to know friends like them... cass and nadia. it's enough. please.. be sane again.

ALLELUIA!

after knowing cass for 1 year, her true colours are finally revealed. she's a BIG BULLY! look at cheryl that smallfart. hahaha. my partner.

i don't know what made us fight. a broom stick and the pan with 2 shortfarts fighting. -.-'''

HA-CHAR!!

WONGGG FEIIIIIIII HONGGGGGGGGGG!! or charlie's angels? whatever.

don't mess with the both of us. i'll attack you with my fist and palms. and cass will attack you with a...... errr, fan. she'll fan you away lah. -.-'''

we found out about the truth of zilun which was written on the class board in black and white.

..ok so.. we got back to our class board again. and we're DONE!

we love chalks. it's so old school.

HAIL THE..........err, chalks?

after abit of that manliness, we went back to our feminine side. so SWWEEETT hor??? -flickers eyes-

fine. she's better at such poses. -.- i hate you cass. >.< -act cute- (UGH!)
SHY la. -hides behind fan-

i'm a camera-shy girl together with nadia. shut up cheryl. what's so shocking?!

ok. now i'm shocked. cass smokes? cheryl horny? i'm with a bunch of crazy girls. or horses? EEEEYER! i shall not tarnish the reputation of crazy horse. HAHAHA!

ok. that picture wraps up whatever i feel like saying. (:

back to dreamland.

laters.

2006-01-22T02:11:00.000-08:00

i want to watch Memoirs of a Geisha. i so want to watch it.. i'm dying to watch it but the tickets are selling so fast! RAHHH! i have to watch that show man. i will. (:

supposed to go my cousin's house to celebrate her birthday but can't make it cause of tuition so... HAPPY 12th BIRTHDAY SIRUI!!

my headache is killing me.

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty.
At work and school, you do best when you're researching.
When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often.

In friendship, you are considerate and compromising.
Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking.
You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

The Birth Order Predictor

2006-01-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

have you ever had this guilty feeling that you just can't seem to forgive yourself for? this guilt is a wound in your heart that can never be healed as it will leave a scar behind. and whenever you notice this scar in the future, the guilt will just come back all over again. and this is happening to me now...

i'm eating POTATO CHIPS!!! i'm supposed to be on this quest of losing weight or rather trying not to gain anymore unhealthy fats but here i am eating potato chips. what the hell is wrong with me?! i succumbed to that stupid piece of THING which DID NOT fail this time to entice me with its stupid sickening picture on the front of its sickening cover bag. RAHH!! the next time you see me, just slap me and rub my stupidity in to me. (ok no. i was just kidding. i will kill you if you do that to me.)

DAMMIT!!

now i shall stick to this strict diet on fruits, vegetables (i'll try to force myself to eat. haha) and whatever it takes to produce a healthy person and at the same time, not gaining an extra kg. i shall ban myself from those unhealthy food, junk food and whatever bad food so that i can look healthy and slim at the same time. yes. i shall do just that. (:

anyway, i came across this email which was sent by one of my ncc friends about parents:

when you were 1 year old, she fed and washed you. in return, you cried the whole night long.

when you were 2 years old, she taught you how to walk. in return, you escape when she calls you.

when you were 3 years old, she cooked all your food with love. in return, you threw your plate full of food onto the floor.

when you were 4 years old, he gave you coloured pencil. in return, you drew on walls and dining table.

When you were 5 years old , she bought you beautiful and expensive clothes. in return, you wore it when you played in mud.

When you were 6 years old, she sent you to school. in return, you screamed"I DON'T WANT TO GO!"

When you were 7 years old, he bought you a ball. in return, you threw the ball to the neighbouring window.

When you were 8 years old, she gave you ice cream. in return, you spilt and messed your clothing.

When you were 9 years old, he paid so much for your courses. in return, you often skipped the class and didn't want to study at all.

When you were 10 years old, she sent you everywhere, swimming pool to birthday party. in return, you jumped out the car without saying anything.

When you were 11 years old, he sent you and friends to cinema. in return, you asked him to sit on the other row.

When you were 12 years old, she forbid you to watch adult TV show. in return, you waited her till she went out from home.

When you were 13 years old, he adviced you to cut your hair due to the time. in return, you told him and he didn't know the trend.

When you were 14 years old, he paid your camp fee during holiday. in return, you never called him back.

When you were 15 years old, after work, he wanted to hug you. in return, you locked your bedroom door.

When you were 16 years old, he taught you how to drive. in return, you used the car in every chance without thinking of his need.

When you were 17 years old, she was waiting for an important call. in return, you used the phone the whole night.

When you were 18 years old, she cried happily when saw you graduated from high school. in return, you partied with your friends till morning.

When you were 19 years old, he paid all your Uni fee and sent you to campus on the first day. in return, you asked him to drop you far from the entrance gate so that you wouldn't be ashamed to your friends.

When you were 20 yo, he asked "Where are you from this whole day?". in return, you answered "Argh, you sticky nose, always want to know other people stuff."

When you were 21 years old, he suggested you a good work for your future. in return, you told him "I don't want to be like you."

When you were 22 years old,she hugged you and touched by your bachelor graduation. in return, you asked when you could had fun overseas.

When you were 23 years old, he bought you a set of furniture for your new house. in return, you told your friends how ugly the furniture is.

When you were 24 years old, she met your fiance and asked about the future plan. in return, you nagged "Oohh, don't ask that, please."

When you were 25 years old, he helped you paid your wedding fee. in return, you moved to more than 500km city.

When you were 30 years old,she gave you advice how to take care your baby. in return, you told her "Today is different."

When you were 40 years old, she called you to tell about a party of one of your close family member. in return, you answered "I don't have time, I'm very busy."

When you were 50 years old, he was always sick and needed your care. in return, you read about the negative effects on parents who stayed in the kid's house.

and ONE DAY, he rest in peace and suddenly you remember all the things you haven't done before and it hits hard YOUR HEART.

appreciate your parents because they are the ones who brought you into this world. they protected and shielded you but yet, most of us shun away from them because of embarrassment and what-have-you. they are willing to do anything for you, are you willing to do anything for them? cherish them as they'll never forsake you under whatever circumstance and it is your parents who will always give you that undying love everyone wants.

daddy, mummy, i love you so much.

2006-01-19T05:02:00.000-08:00

school ended early today. 1 was the dismissal time. KEWL SHITE. -does that act cute pose with 2 fingers doing that 'peace' sign against my cheek, tilting my head one side and smiling as sweetly as possible-

had fun doing a lil bit of shopping with cass, cheryl, dia and drea just now. went to tangs and took weird photos at the lingerie section. (you won't want to know what photos we took.) then, we headed to the clothes section to try on whatever clothes that was nice. i didn't try lah.. too lazy to but the others tried and drea looked nice with the white tube top and blue skirt. sexy and trendy. oooohh.. hahahaha.

now now, mood swings shall be erased from my vocab, dictionary, character, personality etc. i shall control my temper and not be so sensitive and...

basically, i shall not 'swing' too often.

back to rocks and landforms ; karst landscapes.
..... limestone is a rock with at least 50% calcium carbonate content......

bla bla bla.

how interesting. i shall learn what rocks are the best to throw at people who irritates the hell outta me.

geog is useful afterall. ;)

i love my baby ALOT ALOT! muahs!

2006-01-18T03:06:00.000-08:00

choices are something which each of us have to make in our daily lives. be it a major one or minor one, it's still a choice which will affect our lives in a way or another. through choices, we will then realise and know the meaning of regret. is regret what we actually live for? or rather.. is it regret that spurs us on in life making us a better person to make more correct choices in the future?

i want my hair to be long NOW
so that i can do what i've been wanting to do to it for the past 1 year..

CURL MY HAIR.

and i want a SUNTAN because i'm white
which scares myself sometimes when i look into the mirror '__'

i want to have a FLAT TUMMY now
so that... i don't know.
but just so.

"how can you have a life when you're sitting for A levels?" hahahahahahahahahahaha. that's a good one baby darling. (:

i shall now try to find my life since i CHOSE to come to JC to sit for A levels.

geog, lit, econs and gp.. HERE I COME! :))))))))))))))))))))))))

-.- righttt.....

2006-01-18T02:54:00.000-08:00

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Fart in public.

Get your resolution here

MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (:

2006-01-16T04:08:00.000-08:00

cassandra told me that she read an article regarding love. according to the article, it is scientifically proven that when people fall in love, they produce a chemical of i-don't-know-its-name (we're in arts fac lah k.) and it will only last for 2 years. that means to say if people fall in love, it will most probably last for 2 years only.

then our parents leh? they last for so long already..

the answer is: some people will carry on their relationship because they truly love each other and cherish one another. BUT also, some other people, because they have lived with each other for so long.. they don't mind continue living with each other as 'friends'.

that's the science-y side.

to me, love is just... a feeling. a feeling which somehow cannot be totally scientifically proven. it's just human nature. who can ever give a proper definition of love? if it can be proven scientifically, then where's the definite definition of love? haha.

whatever it is, everyone has their own views. i respect it. (:

this phrase is taken from sue's nick in msn:
"Love is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion"

-ponders-

2006-01-15T00:33:00.000-08:00

and...

by the way..

did i mention that i need to lose weight too?

alright. i just did.

2006-01-15T00:26:00.000-08:00

13 months yesterday!

yay!

i suddenly have this urge to go shopping. i need clothes. GET IT?! i need clothes! clothes and shoes are never enough for girls. i'm not a bimbo.

whatever.

random.

what the hell is wrong with me?

i shall find some entertainment to make my life interesting. i'll tell you if i think it helps my life.

laters.

2006-01-12T01:10:00.000-08:00

i hate this feeling. i can't tell anyone because i don't know how to explain it. it is making me frustrated with myself. one day, i'll just lose my mind.

am i expecting too much or am i just dwelling too much in my own fantasy world? a world which i want to be happy in and a world which i can escape from the realities of life.

whatever. i shall stop rambling.

this feeling sucks.

2006-01-11T05:19:00.000-08:00

dwelling in nothingness,

emotions running wild,

you, me, us

that's the way it is all these while.

ok. i haven't been blogging for don't know how long. hahaha. lazy and just being lazy. in year 2 now.. not exactly feeling the stress yet BUT at the same time, not mentally prepared for it too.

ironic.

just live with it.

i shall start putting up photos cause i realised how boring it looks without pictures. so... pictures (regardless of whether it's a cartoon picture or photographs or whatever) shall be posted up in the NEXT entry. i hope.

till then.

i love him and i miss him although i'm talking to him now.

2005-11-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

let me narrate a story to you..

there is this girl who was born into a happy family. although her family isn't very rich but they live happily and comfortably. she was doted on by her family members and she loves her younger sibling alot too. a very blissful and happy family indeed. she is happy.

she went to school. made friends. some come and go but some did leave footprints in her heart. she met her guy along the way too. went into a blissful relationship. from the different problems that she has to overcome in her life, she became a better person. she did change. and it is for the better. she is happy.

she isn't stupid at all neither is she a genius. an average student getting average grades. enough to advance her to the next level always. she is satisfied with her school life. she is happy.

she seems happy. a very happy girl indeed. a perfect family with parents doting on her and a sibling to dote on and love. friends to share her woes. boyfriend to shower love unto her. enough grey matter to survive in the academic world. but.. she still cries. everything in her life is so nice and perfect but why is she feeling so down inside? she don't know the answer at all. her tears just flow and she can't understand why. she don't like to cry at all but her tears will just flow. why? she knows she is a lucky girl. she is aware that she is a happy girl but why does tears still flow?

every story has a moral. what moral does this story have? i read this story but i don't know the moral.

somebody tell me please...

2005-11-14T02:43:00.000-08:00

sometimes i would find myself pondering
what do i have for you to be in my possession
who would nevertheless be there for me
and who would give up your life just for me.

you are too good for me to own
too attractive for me to be selfish
inferiority soon

took over me

losing you was my fear
selfishness slowly became my core character
i chose not to reciprocate your love
because i don't want

to feel the impact of

losing you.

your tears flowed
but

you said this with a smile
"i'm still gonna love you all the same"
my selfishness and inferiority flowed
with your tears.
away.

for now and forever,
we will be together.

i love you.

2005-11-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

celebrated my lil brother's and cousin's bdae last night with an awfully sinful chocolate cake. haha. but then.. who cares? it's my brother's and cousin's bdae cake man! lol. anyway, if it wasn't because of HIM.. everything would be ok. basic courtesy is not even found in him. my goodness. and to think he's only a small boy.

now.. what should i buy for my brother and cousin?

hmmm.

2005-11-13T00:28:00.000-08:00

he's off swimming. i'm here at home studying for a maths. ok. fate accepted.

been out with him everyday. (: love him to bits. watched a couple of shows together. intended to shop but.. the intention just 'disappears'. lol. the christmas deco in town are up! ok not that you all don't know but.. well ya. shup. white christmas is so a BYEBYE. (grammar error, yes.) argh. i'm random.

a maths in 2 days time!! i just want to get it done asap. baby was down for a pilot selection. (it actually happened on tues. haha) results will soon be out. i hope he gets in. haha. it is his dream. i don't know what my aspirations are. i want to be in the military world as well but i'm beginning to doubt about my success rate on surviving in that world. i shall go figure what i want to be.

soon.

i miss him! he's right now in orchid park condo or country club or whatever! although it's somewhere in singapore but he's still 20 km away from me!! (is that the distance between east and north of singapore? die lah my geog.)

i'm not looking forward to your departure at all. even though next year is my crucial year but i know i need you alot. looking at you through the webcam is not enough. i need your embrace and your kind gestures to calm me down especially when i'm stressed. i really hope you can come back. i really do. i love you.